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I had forgotten how quietly hilarious this game is. I was reminded of this today when I found out about salamanders.

There's a weapon in RuneScape called a salamander. It's called that because it's literally a salamander. It's a live magical lizard that can breathe fire. You feed it tar and then point it at an enemy so it can spit flames on them. It has a certain range, which is one square.

So, it's a projectile attack that requires you to use a magical creature to generate it and it can only be done at the range of a sword, exposing you to all the normal dangers of melee. As such, Jagex gave it three different attack modes.

One mode gives you melee experience. Once mode gives you range experience. One mode gives you magic experience. It's the only weapon in the game that does this.

The entire concept of running around with a live salamander shooting fire at things has entertained me all day, especially because it's so over powered in terms of simplifying combat training. It's not really viable in competitive combat, but I don't need it to be. It's perfect as it is.

There are 8 Replies

What a great game. Back in high school, my friend and I made some pure mage characters and made millions of coins luring people into the wilderness. We kept a “kill list,” and by the time we got bored, it had over 200 names—along with the funniest quotes from our victims. My favorite was something along the lines of: “We will meet again in the near future... with your head!!! Decapitated!!!!!”

EDIT: Yes, we were the Runescape version of Ted Bundy. Actually, probably more like the Runescape versions of Leonard Lake and Charles Ng because we were a pair of total dipshits back then (‘08 or ‘09?)

Edited February 3rd by poptart!

People get so salty about being PK'd. It's like they didn't see the giant sign that says YOU ARE ENTERING THE WILDERNESS AND MAY BE MURDERED AT ANY SECOND. When you enter a PvP area, all bets are off. That's why I don't go into Wildy unless I'm prepared - both in the sense that I'm geared up properly and in the sense that I'm ready to get merc'd.

People have been getting really salty on the 2007scape subreddit recently. Reign of Terror took over the revenant caves in the 2200 total level world. They allow people to kill revs there in exchange for like 40m every two weeks. People are crying about getting pushed out if they don't pay the protection money...when RoT could just outright kill them and take all their shit AND kill their revs if they wanted to. The PvM scrubs think they should be able to just do whatever they want and if someone crashes their party, that's toxic and they should be banned.

Cry-bullies are legitimately more toxic than the people PKing.

Posted February 3rd by nullfather

Haha, yeah, it doesn't 100% absolve us, but once you read the sign explaining exactly what's going to happen you and choose to continue on, I can't feel too bad for you. We did have some mean tricks, though. For the people who would only bring 3 items (so they wouldn't lose anything on death), we'd go out a ways into the wild and say, "Hey, I'm about to get an HP level! Would you hit me so I level up? BUT ONLY HIT ME ONCE PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME, I KNOW YOU'RE STRONGER THAN ME@!" My friend came up with that one—I told him it was too obvious and no one would fall for it, but hoooly shit, it worked 9 times out of 10.

Another strategy was to say that you had to make a trade in the wilderness, show someone 100k in gold (which was, at that point, barely a risk for us to take out there) and ask for protection. We'd tell them to wear their full rune so we could trust them. They would inevitably start attacking us as soon as they could (we'd run deeper into the wilderness so that, once we switched to our mage gear, it would be harder for them to escape). I loved killing these douchebags.

People have been getting really salty on the 2007scape subreddit recently. Reign of Terror took over the revenant caves in the 2200 total level world. They allow people to kill revs there in exchange for like 40m every two weeks.

This is amazing. Sounds like something we would come up with if we had a larger group.

Cry-bullies are legitimately more toxic than the people PKing.

Yeah, we got reported all the time, but Jagex never did anything about us. Either their system sucks and they can't tell when someone was lured or not, or they don't want to open that can of worms, setting a precedent of banning people for PKing in the wilderness.

Posted February 3rd by poptart!

My nigga! I got really back into Old School RuneScape about 3 years ago. It reminded me of being 10 years old and going way way back when it was RuneScape Classic. In OSRS I got 95 mining, but I've been disconnected from the community for the past year or so. I'm ColtonGray if anyone wants to add me. I was never much into PKing. I was more of a casual player who is into quests and skilling. Something about that era of the internet is so classic.

Edited February 6th by MarvaIo

Yeah, playing OSRS takes me back. I remember back before I had a computer, I was going to the public library and camping on the free use computers. There was a hell of a scene, even in my little town. A bunch of kids standing around, giving each other tips, doing RWTs, issuing in-person challenges, etc.

I only ever played F2P back then. Now that I'm a big boy and can afford membership, it's like playing the game for the first time again. There's so much content that I never knew about, I'm getting called a noob again, I'm figuring out schemes for money making, etc.

It's fuckin' great.

Posted February 6th by nullfather

Have you noticed how you can't ride horses on Runescape?

Posted February 7th by Welsh_Gamer

Have you noticed how you can't ride horses on Runescape?

Yes, I have, very specifically. Players have asked for horses multiple times over the years. As a joke, Jagex eventually put horses in the game...as small horse toys that the players can fiddle around with.

Posted February 8th by nullfather

I am supremely entertained by swamp lizards.

Look at these cute little bastards.

I'm training Hunting by trapping swamp lizards in the Morytania Swamp. They're adorable, but dumb as hell. They love traps. They'll walk right into them. Also, there's an option to release them back into the swamp. In other words, trapping lizards is the most wholesome content I've seen in RuneScape for a long time. It pleases me immensely for being such a minor thing.

Posted February 27th by nullfather
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