I want to have sex with this girl, but I know it's going to fuck me up worse if I do. I can tell she's toxic, so I'm just ghosting her. It's certainly not for lack of physical attraction, and she clearly wants it, but I know I'm either going to end up with a toxic relationship, or just get my heart broken. I want intimacy so bad, and I have to deny chances like this in order to get what I really want.
It's so damned frustrating. I kind of feel like going to church to meet women, but as an atheist, I feel like that wouldn't last either.