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I hate to say it but we have to stop gaming
Posted: Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa

We need to recognize that video games and smart phones are literally designed to keep young people from being engaged and active in changing the world around us. And it's us who are inheriting this world. We are the zombie apocalypse even I am hunched over a phone while I type this. There is more to life than replaying all the games you own. This forum is the worst too. It gives us an excuse to vent without really doing anything about it.

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There are 141 Replies

If I didn't game for a few hours before bed at night, I don't know what I would do in that time, but I doubt it would change the world.

Posted June 15th by Vandy
Vandy

Work game sleep, work game sleep, when do you have time to advance your life?

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I study for my classes when I get home from work, and spend some time with my wife. Currently learning about our body's immune system, which I find to be fascinating.

Edited June 15th by Vandy
Vandy

I am lucky I work somewhere that I can advance my life at work. I can at least do buy and sell and advance my income by about ten percent more. But then I spend that ten percent on video games or Netflix junk food. So it's realistically pointless.

What I actually should be doing with my life is find a way to do the same job self employed.

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Then my income would double and I could vacation whenever I want. I wouldn't have to settle for playing my 4000th game of halo reach and still have a negative k/d.

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

No.

Fuck reality.

Posted June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

Why gaming though? Or movies?

Why not writing or drawing so it's your own imagination at work? When it's gaming and movies you are just appreciating the works of other people, you aren't contributing anything of your own.

Edited June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I'm quite comfortable with what I contribute to the world. Gaming is entertainment for me, nothing more. If I wasn't playing games in that time I'd still just be doing something else for entertainment. If your suggestion is that I do nothing for entertainment then I'm not interested.

Humans have always needed some entertainment time, there's a reason older societies had arenas for fighting- and comparing then to now I think I prefer what we have now...

Edited June 15th by Moonray
Moonray
 

Because I like an experience not creating weird experiences that most people don't appreciate. I HAVE actually written stories technically, however they were kind of intentionally so bad that they're good (at least to some people) simply because I don't feel I have the skill or the TYPE of creativity that people WANT without doing that.

Edited June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

My suggestion isn't that you should or shouldn't do anything, it's that gaming is designed to hold you back and you're eating right into it. Your business if you want to ignore it and be illusioned anyway.

There is a lot of shit going on in the world and gaming allows you to just ignore it and pretend it isn't going on.

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

What good are my doodles on paper if no one is going to spend their time appreciating my work!

Posted June 15th by Vandy
Vandy

Dude, I'm not the person to fix the world and I can feel terrible just reading too much about the world on the internet. It's not gonna matter much. The only real problem I have is that I don't always act in my own best interest.

Posted June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

People will appreciate it. But when you are the consumer and never the provider you will feel unfulfilled because your own dreams will never come to pass .

Edited June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

As it is I get maybe a few hours a week to game. I don't feel that's excessive or prevents me from improving my life.

Posted June 15th by Q
Q
 

As it is I get maybe a few hours a week to game. I don't feel that's excessive or prevents me from improving my life.

Dude that fucking sucks. How do you even live only having a few hours a week of actual free time. That's like learned self-imposed slavery.

Edited June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

I guess for me it's different. I was going to create amazing things for a living with my own bare hands. I have high talent in drawing and most things that require an imagination. And these computer generated games they just remind me that the machines won and now I am just a consumer. Just an employee. I am not my own man because I have been existentially castrated. So maybe this post is just a reminder for me specifically. You can all ignore it if you want

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

My best bud feels the same about his high music talent and auto tune and electronica and dub step and pop. Unfulfilled and he spends his days playing melee in a delusion he can win tournaments, and league of legends. He can sing, play the piano, and the harmonica all in the same song. He doesn't even touch keys anymore.

Edited June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

whynotboth

Posted June 15th by Vandy
Vandy

But you're right why is anyone going to find a drawing I spent 4 hours on impressive when a more refined one can be made on a computer in 1 hour.

Edited June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

My suggestion isn't that you should or shouldn't do anything, it's that gaming is designed to hold you back and you're eating right into it.

This can be said for alot of things not just gaming. Not saying that "Oh everything else does it, it's okay!" Honestly, the only real thing that holds a person back is their own decisions and life choices, not some digital construct.

I have seen plenty of people who could care less about gaming, but they are holding themselves back due to them being "comfortable" where they are at or "I don't care I just need X thing".

I am the best agent on the floor where I work, but I am held back by constant politics/metrics bitching, not my gaming aptitude.

Even as I am continuing my job search, I am not going as far as I can now because I am in no hurry (despite how much I currently hate my job). I am hindering myself with apathy. If you feel you are hindering yourself with gaming, do what you need to do, but that may not be the case for everyone else.



Edited June 15th by Forte Lambardi
Forte Lambardi

I would also disagree with the notion that gaming is designed to hold someone back. There are many stories of gaming inspiring people to do more.

One of my favourites is the story a woman who was inspired by an RPG to travel across America helping people in the same way you do in RPGs.

Or the blind guy who plays the Oddworld games, instead of letting his lack of sight hold him back he managed to complete them. In essence he went out of his way to better himself because he wanted to beat the game.

Posted June 15th by Moonray
Moonray
 

You dont have to stop gaming.

Posted June 15th by S.O.H.
S.O.H.
 

If it's inhibiting your ability to do meaningful stuff, why not limit the amount of time you're playing? A few hours after work or something like that? For me, technology is what I do and I find great joy reverse-engineering games.

Posted June 15th by Ghowilo
Ghowilo

You are such a sad, sad person.

How broken are you that playing video games keeps you from being a functional human being?

Posted June 15th by nullfather
nullfather
 



Posted June 15th by S.O.H.
S.O.H.
 

Fuck you Null.

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

How sad are you that you go after the easiest target you can find.

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

How broken are you that playing video games keeps you from being a functional human being?

It's not keeping him from it. In case you haven't noticed it's kind of a running theme for him to talk about how he can't do things and then blame something else for it. One way or another the problem goes much deeper. He's just seeking to either express that he can't do it through the first thing that popped into his head or he's just seeking attention.

Edited June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

People don't actually read what I write.

Posted June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I can, however understand the idea that all of this overexposure to technology probably helps in making some people far worse simply because of the state of mind they're in or whatever. A lot of things can become a person's "drug" though. And then that carries on into the future because the neglect for taking care of and/or bettering yourself carries over into the rest of your life and it also helps fuck you over. It can be a vicious cycle but it's hard to just say it's entirely the game's fault.

Posted June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

People don't actually read what I write.

If you expect half of these people to give an actual meaningful fuck about anything but themselves and their amusement I got bad news for you. I did read all of what you wrote, but they just kind of only hear what they want to hear, and it seemed fitting to respond in accordance to their line of thought.

I know you didn't actually say that games keep you from being functional and I don't think that's the case for anyone. But like I said, they hear what they want to hear so might as well roll with it.

Edited June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

Humans are a slow moving animal in every sense of the word. We are the slowest to become adults among all animals. We don't run very fast. Right now technology is advancing so fast we don't even have generations. Technology is passing us by. It's hard to master a medium because tomorrow it's obsolete.

If you spend fifteen years learning a skill and a machine can do it better instantly what does that say about you? (Hint, you wasted your fucking life)

I am done with having a sad life. I would rather have no life. But I bet machines are more adept at suiciding too. What's the point in effort these days? Seriously? It seems like the more effort you put into something the more pain you go through.

Null just go bother someone else.

Edited June 15th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Games make me feel bad about myself because they literally represent what makes me obsolete.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Because they are designed with the computers that stole my future.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

If you expect half of these people to give an actual meaningful fuck about anything but themselves and their amusement I got bad news for you. I did read all of what you wrote, but they just kind of only hear what they want to hear, and it seemed fitting to respond in accordance to their line of thought.


Though evidently you didn't read what everyone else said if you think that statement is applicable to even half the people who replied.

Posted June 15th by Moonray
Moonray
 

No some of you do make good points. It's fine. I am obviously just venting and going through one of my suicidal episodes. I don't need Null to come along and press my nose in the dogshit every time though.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Though evidently you didn't read what everyone else said if you think that statement is applicable to even half the people who replied.

I mean like half of the site. And if you ACTUALLY read how they responded prior to Null even, more than half of the people in this thread replied with the assumption that he was saying it was impacting HIS functionality. And missing the whole point. I guess you missed the point too?


Edited June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

How sad are you that you go after the easiest target you can find.


If you weren't such a fucking beta, there wouldn't be a problem in the first place.

Null just go bother someone else.


No.

Posted June 15th by nullfather
nullfather
 

It is affecting my functionality. It's not solely to blame. That's complicated. But surely if video games, and computers and TVs didn't exist I would be able to do something more fulfilling like writing or drawing, and would actually be able to make a career out of doing something I love.

I am obsolete professionally. I am obsolete romantically. I am obsolete in every way imaginable. I don't know why my lungs bother to fight for oxygen. I guess they're behind on things too because my brain knows I am done for.


Edited June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I can't stop being what I am. You're either the leader of the pack or a nobody. And computers ensured that when it comes to art I am a nobody.

Everyone is a beta unless they are a winner.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Humor me Null, what's your dream and are you living it?

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Yes I know what you meant. And people overlooking

But surely if video games, and computers and TVs didn't exist I would be able to do something more fulfilling like writing or drawing, and would actually be able to make a career out of doing something I love.

And the context of it you posted later on is the problem. It's not having an impact you on in a "I can't stop playing games" way, it's having an impact in a way that it's making you obsolete. You're venting your frustration. Can't expect some of the people here to understand that though.

Edited June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

I'll answer for you Null, you're not. Because if you were you would have better things to do than to troll some pathetic beta guy with a fucking lion king avatar.

You're a beta too. We all are.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

The only way we stop being betas is if we band together and kick the establishment in the balls.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Do you think he'll actually be swayed? Also lmao @ male hierarchies.

Posted June 15th by KnokkelMillennium
KnokkelMillennium
The machiavellian menace

He has a low IQ so I doubt it.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Well I disagree with that. Regardless, I find that if you become obnoxious enough eventually the trolls will engage you less and ignore you because they'll realize nothing good comes from it, with some exceptions. They can't extract much fun from it if all you're doing is making textwall arguments at them that forces them to either keep engaging in counter arguments or fuck off.

Edited June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

Regardless, I find that if you become obnoxious enough eventually the trolls will engage you less and ignore you because they'll realize nothing good comes from it, with some exceptions.


Or you could just act respectable and build a proper reputation. Easier for everyone to just be dicks to each other I guess?

Like, do you ever see anyone trolling Jet Presto? Or Jo Nathan? Or Orion? Etc, etc. The answer is no for a good reason.

Posted June 15th by Moonray
Moonray
 

It's too late to have a good reputation.


Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Like, do you ever see anyone trolling Jet Presto? Or Jo Nathan? Or Orion? Etc, etc. The answer is no for a good reason.

Yes. The reason is they're normal people with normal interests and not considered cringy and there is nothing about them worth antagonizing or making fun of. With my name and the connotations ALONE (there is much more than that as well) it carries it is literally impossible for that to happen no matter what I do.

Besides, I ALREADY do that PLENTY if you somehow don't notice me literally any time I'm not engaging trolls, such as THIS thread. I'm sorry if you took that last post so personally but the fact is that is pretty much half of the userbase.

If you seriously believe the people who go after me have the best intentions, you're wrong plain and simple. There is no good reason other than to be an asshole like at least 90% of the time.

Edited June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

You're talking to a guy who feels the world has passed him by. Earlier today I was planning to take my paycheck and use it to bus to a remote town without any way to ID me, and find some remote lake to slit my wrists in. Because that's how forgettable I feel in life and I want to be forgettable in death too.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I don't give a shit about my reputation. Being dead is better than being some punchline

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

It is affecting my functionality. It's not solely to blame. That's complicated. But surely if video games, and computers and TVs didn't exist I would be able to do something more fulfilling like writing or drawing, and would actually be able to make a career out of doing something I love.


Actually, you're blaming the things that are making it easier for you. It has literally never been easier for someone to get into any kind of art or craft and to make money doing it.

I'll answer for you Null


Lol, no, you won't. Throwing a tantrum doesn't make you less of a sad beta.

Posted June 15th by nullfather
nullfather
 

It's not easier because I have to then master these digital platforms which in turn also become obsolete.

Will you at least explain what you mean by beta? Because you sure don't seem like an alpha so it's like the pot calling the kettle black

Edited June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I don't give a shit about my reputation.

I only care what people think in general because of anxiety that has proven it won't go away despite what I throw it at it. Tbh my gf makes up for it more than half of the time, and I'm sure there are those who would think less of me for "needing" a woman like that, but it's a good balance considering I do need more interaction that just that, and too much interaction with gfs, imo can be unhealthy for the relationship.

Edited June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

I am an art guy not a programmer or hacker. I will fail for the same reason I failed trig. I am good at mental math but bad at remembering calculator functions. I just want to put pen to paper and go. I don't want to worry about the digital equivalent or whatever. I did a little bit of that with animating but I used like PowerPoint 98 which is long long obsolete.

Edited June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

It's not easier because I have to then master these digital platforms which in turn also become obsolete.


Oh boo hoo, you have to learn something?

Will you at least explain what you mean by beta?


A piece of shit that sucks at life and also blames everything but himself for it.

Posted June 15th by nullfather
nullfather
 

I still use windows 7 because I don't want to deal with the bulkshit of figuring out windows 10.I tried 8 and it was a nightmare so I wen back to 7. I like simplicity.

All these art studio programs, for one are exceedingly expensive and then they get updates or replaced by newer better ones and drawing on a computer always feels weird and unnatural.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

It's too late to have a good reputation.


I disagree but you're entitled to that opinion if you want it.

I'm sorry if you took that last post so personally but the fact is that is pretty much half of the userbase.


I didn't and you're wrong about most people on this site are ok people.

With my name and the connotations ALONE (there is much more than that as well) it carries it is literally impossible for that to happen no matter what I do.


Well that is your own fault for building the reputation you ended up with. I think most people on the site don't particularly care about any of that anymore though. There aren't as many trolls on this site as you think there are.

Posted June 15th by Moonray
Moonray
 

I blame myself too. What are you getting at?

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Moon you really think I can gave a good reputation on GT after everything I've done and said?

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Learning new computer program type stuff is harder for me because I am dyslexic. It's a real headache and only worth it if it's a long term skill.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I will not play a new video game if I don't like the interface. Even if I like the concept.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I didn't and you're wrong about most people on this site are ok people.

Only when it suits them to be. Blaming me won't convince me or make me any less upset when they have those passive aggressive moments at me. I don't know how you're missing it, and it's probably not as black and white as it seems, and I wouldn't doubt they can be good people to others, but they've made it clear that they just dislike my entire being or find it to be easy to shit on for the fun of it. And being a better person on the site consistently as evidenced when I have done it will not change that.

I guess you're just not paying attention when they antagonize me, but if you actually were it would be become clear right quick why I feel the way I do about them.

Well that is your own fault for building the reputation you ended up with

A lot of it was the fault of others because of the way they treated me in the first place simply because I was a huge fucking idiot who just took their first steps back into the internet. The trolls were relentless back then. It HAS gotten better but I think even you have to admit that I didn't bring a lot of it on myself initially.

I think most people on the site don't particularly care about any of that anymore though.

Obviously. But that doesn't mean it hasn't still carried over into how people treated me and still do sometimes even today.

Edited June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

The name Knuckles might as well be Satan here. I changed to Mufasa because Red Leaf is the same.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I have way too much time to spin out here too. This is like the only place that updates regularly while I am at work and I can't do anything legitimately interesting because that date up too much data. At least burn me in an entertaining way fuck.

Edited June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Also I was being vague and not even naming people anyway (for good reason) It's much easier to just say "half" and it really does feel like half even if that may not be entirely accurate. Thankfully most of them seem to prefer ignoring me most of the time now.

Also changing my name won't change who is attached to the name and the connotations.

Edited June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

Shit if people ignored me I'd probably kill myself just out of boredom. I hate this shift.

Posted June 15th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

People suck lol. And it's definitely not just this site or just because of personal treament. Before I decided it was a terrible idea my focus was on ending social interaction with people beyond what's needed and making a tulpa or some shit.

Edited June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

Why is it appearing as if Vandy said something but there's nothing here. Was it deleted that fast?

Posted June 15th by KnucklesMK6
KnucklesMK6
 

So um distractions can definitely be distractions, but you don't have to succumb to them? Also they've existed for thousands of years.



Posted June 15th by Xhin
Xhin
 

Why is it appearing as if Vandy said something but there's nothing here. Was it deleted that fast?


Xhin was likely on his account to look at this:

[Mycard trouble]

And forgot to log out of it. He did the same thing with my account a couple weeks back.

Posted June 16th by Moonray
Moonray
 

Why is it appearing as if Vandy said something but there's nothing here. Was it deleted that fast?


For some reason I thought this was posted in [Video Game News & Discussions ] and I was going to comment and lock it but then realized it was in [Real Life] so I deleted it.

Edited June 16th by Vandy
Vandy

We need to recognize that video games and smart phones are literally designed to keep young people from being engaged and active in changing the world around us.

The world around us is constantly changing because of advances in information technology, so I don't really agree with this perspective. Young people can become adept with new technology (which affects almost every other area of our lives, like commerce, education, and medicine) by using smart phones and immersing themselves in entertainment.

I agree that excessive consumption is a problem, but that will vary from person to person. It's also hard on the eyes and back to be periodically hunched over a phone/computer all day.

Posted June 16th by Esprit
Esprit
 

Ugh. I spent literally an hour and a half on a response, and then I get an internal error and it wiped it away...

...guess it doesn't matter much. Would have just been dismissed anyway.


This thread follows the typical pattern of A) blame something else, B) imagine that if just this one thing were different, life would be better and I'd be happy, C) claim I blame myself, while refusing to recognize that I actually have agency over my life, and D) dismiss everyone else and call them disillusioned.

But here's the thing:

1. If you're not creating things that you want to, you always have the choice to focus on that. If you would rather draw than play video games, there's a very simple solution. Stop playing video games and draw.

2. Art, especially, is one of the few areas wherein machines can't out-do humans. They might be able to do things better on a technical level, but that isn't really what makes people interested in art. If you think most people would appreciate a computer-drawn image more than a human-drawn image, you don't know many people.

3. Just want to call attention to the fact that in one breadth, you argue that if people don't provide and only consume, they'll never feel fulfilled. A short time later, you question what is even the point of doing anything if a computer can do it better. Well, ya sorta answered your own question there: people will always continue to do things, even in an age of computer and machines, because it gives them a sense of fulfillment and pride.

On a personal level, I fancy myself a bit of a writer and comedian. So few actually read what I write, and that's fine! I post it because I want to share it in case someone likes it. If not? Who cares? I write because it gives me satisfaction, because I enjoy it, because it makes me feel productive. Even if an AI program could write the shit I do, I would not stop doing it, because that isn't the point.

4. As Vandy said, why not both? Why is it that most of us can't game and watch movies, AND participate in creative endeavors?

5. Also want to comment about how misguided the notion that watching or playing someone else's work isn't worth it because you aren't the one creating. No art happens in a vacuum, and no artist works in one either. Every artist - great or unknown - makes it a point to take in other people's work because it fills them with inspiration or influence. The best way to improve your writing is to read everything you can. The best way to improve as a filmmaker is to watch other people's movies. I know I have personally become more creative as a result of taking in as much of other people's work as I can. Board games I've made have gotten better, essays I've written have improved, and stand up sets are at a point I feel proud of, all because I grow when I take it in.

6. Would just like to reiterate that you have agency over your life. Whether you accept it or not, you have the power to make changes. You say that you just are what you are, as if people are cement bricks. But people change and grow frequently. "I can't stop being what I am," is basically saying, "I have no control over myself or my life, and I don't even care enough to try to get better and feel generally satisfied with life." It's every bit blaming something else as blaming gaming or technology.


There was more, but that was the basic stuff I wanted to post before bed. It's been a looooong week and it's just getting longer. But this felt worth posting, even when you do dismiss it and try to make it sound like we're unreasonable for recognizing that we have the capacity to play games, watch movies, post online, AND read the newspaper and engage in political activities, and work, and make stuff.

Posted June 17th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

I think writing is the one thing a machine will never be able to outdo a human on. Because humans are natural story tellers. I feel I am pretty good writer. I would even call myself an amateur writer. But I can't make money at it unless I start writing smut (which I am actually pretty frigging good at) because I lack the attention span to write more than a short story at a time. And it's novels that sell. So there you have it Jet. In order to make money at writing which is something I greatly enjoy doing, I have to abandon adventure and go do full on hard core smut. Because that's what people will read when it comes to short stories these days. Well I guess I could write children's books bit I am pretty sure I am trying to avoid killing myself. XD

One of the things that stops me from having agency over my life is that on three sides I am surrounded reasons to kill myself and on the fourth side it's a mountain of responsibility and pain. Sometimes the best move to make is to stand still. Kind of like the King in chess during a stalemate. If I move I lose. But I have this one little beach where I can just be myself and nothing can get to me. My only moves are acceptance or probably swimming through lava as the aforementioned mountain turns out to be an active volcano.

Why can't most of us be creative AND consume other entertainment? Because work makes us tired and turning on Netflix is easier than writing your own season of something. Or making comedy, or drawing something that is at most a 9/10 while professional studios are putting their computer generated anime on to Netflix for you to enjoy.

I am not even trying to fight what you're saying. I don't always want to be the guy who just ignores people. I haven't ignored you. I read it all. And I didn't get all of it probably since it deleted your original post. It's just that life is hard and we don't have the time to create anymore unless people are willing to pay us to create. Not at a competitive level anyway.

Photography is another thing I am good at. But people expect photographers to work for free. Do you know how absurd it would be to expect other occupations to work for free?

I care about my life and at one time I felt like I had some power over the direction I was going in. But that was a long time ago. Right now my safe island is working security at a site where I have literally nothing to do other than locking some doors and playing on my phone. It grants me work time to work on some creative stuff that I would be too tired to do if I had a real job. But how much creation can I do from an android phone other than annoy you people. Writing on this thing is awful. I mistype probably twice a paragraph.

Anyway Jet, do you have time to write much or do comedy between gaming and work?

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

And for the record I know I am at fault for my unhappiness. I jumped out of a moving vehicle and painted the road with my blood and I don't trust or like myself. But I have to get my mind off that from time to time and it's nice to be able to blame something other than me for once. Blaming me every time just makes me feel even worse.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

How can you even compete with Netflix anyway. They have an entire team working on their stuff and I am just one guy. And I doubt those people feel fulfilled because they can't move things the way they want. They have to work with their team. Their shit is refined and great for an audience but probably unfulfilling from a creation standpoint. I would hate to have my art steered by big brother all the time. I am at fault for all my mental shit yes, but you can't deny this consumer based economy we live in is insufferable. It's all about what sells and it's rarely about passion or what we want. And art isn't even art if it's just clinical and forced like that

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

There are actors who haven't even seen the movies they act in. How fulfilling can that really be?

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I need to feel like there is an outside force preventing me from becoming what I want because it's actually scarier if it's my own mind. Because then it doesn't matter how bad the economy is or how shitty society is. People can help me if it's a human issue. But if it's all in my head no one can help me

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Legitimate tears formed when I typed that last part. It's scary to be solely at fault for something so terrible. But it's not even that terrible because people can just walk by me and go on with their lives. No one has to stop and help me or feel the way I do.

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I need to feel like there is an outside force preventing me from becoming what I want because it's actually scarier if it's my own mind.

Most people can relate to this, believe me. But just because it's in your head doesn't mean other people can't help you. You just have to reach out, especially to a licensed professional, and look for the best long term strategy for dealing with these demons. Manic depression is said to be hard, but there are a lot of folks out there with it and many of them end up doing fine with the appropriate help.

Posted June 17th by Famov
Famov

Okay, so suppose I do sit down and accept that a good chunk of my problems are in my own mind. And suppose I get help. That still doesn't address the probelsm that aren't in my own mind and it doesn't address the problems that can partially be fixed with attitude but still have external forces causing barriers.

In tetris terms I already fucked the landing of enough blocks that I can't make the lines disappear anymore and I am running out of space. Life doesn't forgive.

And I don't even think the stuff in my own mind is necessarily my fault. It's chemicals in my brain. I am as much at fault for those as I am for my hair color, right? My actions are my fault but in a court of law a person can plead insanity.

It's really freaking complicated and I don't think Null's suggestion of "be less of a beta" is helpful. I mean Jesus Christ, if simply being more aggressive and dominant could fix my problems, I am smart enough that I would have figured that out by now

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I appreciate you trying to help, Famov, I really do. But the problem is that I am looking at the entire picture. My internal conflicts and ailments, and the ailments of society and humanity. And no simple answer fixes or even addresses all of them at once.

Well there is one simple answer that fixes them, that I have been putting off for the sake of my friends and family.

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Null you're an asshole because my mother's boyfriend is a certified alpha male and all he managed to do was go to prison for 9 years because he used your strategy. Sure people don't fuck with him, but he is buried by the same issues as me. The only difference between him and me is that he would punch you in the face and go back to jail and I would find a sneakier way to fuck with you.

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

But just because it's in your head doesn't mean other people can't help you.


So much this. The problems might be in your head, but I assure you, they are not unique to you. Everyone is different and different things work for some that don't work for others, but so many people have experienced these types of thoughts and feelings and problems that other people can provide insight into things to try (and try in earnest).

You just have to reach out, especially to a licensed professional, and look for the best long term strategy for dealing with these demons


I also second this, as I have suggested many times before. And as I have said, it can take an obnoxiously long time to really get a grip on everything. I have had to deal with depression of various extremities for over a decade at this point. I didn't really start to get a good handle on how to properly treat it and deal with it in a healthy manner until I was like, 27 or 28. It takes time, but when you treat it and can enjoy things again, it really feeds back into itself. Enjoying things you used to do, or trying new things you were previously too anxious or depressed to do really goes back into making yourself enjoy what life has to offer, which makes you feel better as well.


I need to feel like there is an outside force preventing me from becoming what I want because it's actually scarier if it's my own mind.


Famov is right that this is an extremely understandable and relatable feeling. To be sure, there are always going to be outside forces at play, that you can't control. This is true. But I know that for me, personally, things got a lot better when I started looking at the things I can control. Everything else, it's just gonna be what it is. When I started looking at every situation and changed to the thought process of, "Ok, let me see where I have agency, and see what I can do, and I'll focus on that." It can take some time, but for me, it eventually felt really empowering to change my frame of mind to that. There is absolutely no shortage of things I can't do! But it makes me feel a lot stronger and happier to keep what I can in focus. It can be a struggle to keep it front and center, but I find it worth it.

Posted June 17th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

Man. I wish my problems could JUST be depression sometimes. I mean it sucks and destroys happiness for a while but it doesn't necessarily fuck you over long-term.

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

So you're saying I am taking on an insane amount of problems and half of them I will never have any control over. So focus on the ones I can control?

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

There are actors who haven't even seen the movies they act in. How fulfilling can that really be?


I mean, a lot of actors are passionate about the craft. It isn't necessarily about the end product as much as it is the process.

I mean, shit, no one will ever play my board games. I still find it really satisfying and fulfilling to work on them. It isn't about anything else but the process. Or like, writing, my blog gets - at most - 5 views. I'm not writing to any discernible audience, and that's incredibly liberating for me. I like to post it, so if people want to read it, they can. Otherwise, I just enjoy the process of research and writing. I like the idea of trying to voice my opinions and arguments, or share thoughts through writing. It doesn't matter to me if anyone reads it, because it's about the process. I only read my work to proof-read.

They have to work with their team.


FYI: for many people, this itself is a source of fulfillment. I enjoy my job just fine in terms of the work itself, but I find it fulfilling to be part of an organization doing something that I believe in and value. My influence is very minor, but so what? I enjoy being part of a team and having to work with other people for a shared, common goal.


It's all about what sells and it's rarely about passion or what we want. And art isn't even art if it's just clinical and forced like that


Sure, and while I think there is inherent value to mindless entertainment films like the sort Hollywood keeps pumping out from their Disney-fied factory assembly, but there are sooooo many film studios out there. There are plenty of filmmakers pumping out great, artistic work that doesn't sell, with studios that fund them and distribute them.

But also, even with all these silly comic book movies: just because they don't really tell a story particularly deep or compelling doesn't mean the filmmakers aren't passionate about it. Marvel Studios can be pretty overbearing towards their creators, but I feel like it'd be hard to argue James Gunn isn't passionate about the Guardians of the Galaxy. When a filmmaker is passionate about their characters and world, and they make just a nice, fun movie, that's a positive contribution to the world of cinema. Shouldn't be compared to the likes of Stanley Kubrick or anything, but it's still good work.

How can you even compete with Netflix anyway.


Man, I gotta tell ya, life becomes infinitely better when you realize that none of this is a competition. None of this is a contest. I think it's a very natural thing to compare oneself to others, especially people doing similar things, but - again for me personally - when I recognized that it's not a contest, and who cares? I got sooo much better. I'm not trying to compete with anyone. I'm just trying to do what makes me happy.

In order to make money at writing which is something I greatly enjoy doing, I have to abandon adventure and go do full on hard core smut.


This is patently false and absurd. You're doing that thing where it's easier to pretend like there are no options except this one thing that you don't want to do, so you can keep telling yourself, "What's the point?" Never mind that tons of writers eventually get work just by writing what they want to write and submitting it to anyone accepting samples.

But also, why do you have to immediately make money off of writing? Do you know many who legitimately started earning a living by writing or producing art without years of struggling to get published? If you're writing or drawing with the intent to make money, then of course you're going to be miserable. You should learn to do it because you enjoy it, and then submit where you can and hope for a break. If it's just a job, I can't imagine you enjoying it for too much longer, even if you got one.

If I move I lose.


Contrary to this whole Trumpian philosophy you seem to throw yourself fully into, life really is not about "winning or losing." The bulk of life is failing, honestly.


Why can't most of us be creative AND consume other entertainment? Because work makes us tired and turning on Netflix is easier than writing your own season of something.


So do something about it. Move into a cheaper place, get a bunch of room mates, and cut your hours. I would go mad if I didn't specifically carve out one day every week that was reserved for kayaking, or playing pick up football, or just chilling at home. Sometimes it could create a mini-conflict with the other manager at work, but that shit is important to me. Ensuring I have that time I need to make me feel healthy and whole makes me a better person, and it makes me a better employee. I'm not going to give that day up. It's too important.

You could do something too, maybe cut your video game habit in half, and use the other half of that time to draw or write. Or create a day where whatever free time you have, you're specifically going to do something like that, and not play a game at all.

It might not be easy at first, but it's doable, and it's probably worth it.

Posted June 17th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

So the question I should ask any time I encounter a problem should be "do I as a single human being have any power?" If the answer is no I normally go to the next question, "if I get a group of humans together will we have power?" Problem is I have no credibility even though any one of you can tell that I am smart and do some research. I am not a leader. As Null so eloquently addressed. So I should skip the second question? Stick with "Do I as a single human have any power over this situation" and if the answer is no, then what? "Whelp, I guess I'm fucked then lol". XD

If the answer is yes then sure. But I imagine the answer is no a lot more frequently.

But I shouldn't worry that it's no more frequently and only focus on the yes answers?

That's really hard for me to compute. And also, I think that if every person only worries about their own personal problems that one single human can fix, then the elite have already won. So it feels selfish to only worry about my own problems.

I think we have to start hacking away at the problems that require a larger group of us to fix.

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Not at a competitive level anyway.


Stop competing, then. Do stuff because it makes you happy. Doing anything creative for a profession is going to be a super competitive market that will take a long time (usually) to really break into. So start with doing it because you like to, and go from there. You're not going to go from 0 to 100 in a year.


at one time I felt like I had some power over the direction I was going in.


This might be unique to me, someone who has very much avoided the "traditional path" people have long been expected to take (4 time college drop out, woot woooot!), but to me, life is very flexible. There are always countless directions it can go in. I can't imagine feeling like I had to follow one path to reach one destination to feel satisfied with life. That sounds miserable to me. I appreciate objectives. I mean, I spent five years saving for a house before finally being able to get one. But I didn't completely change my life or lifestyle to do so. I made some changes, sure. Bought less take out, started drinking less, cut my comics intake and video game spending. I'm all for creating these little goals to accomplish in life, but if I never was able to afford that house, or that kayak, or that PS4, or that cage dive experience off the Cape, that doesn't make my life any more worthless.



And yes. I am suggesting you at least try to keep a better focus on what you CAN do rather than what you CAN'T. It won't happen over night, but it can eventually make you feel more empowered. That shit worked for me at some point. And if it can help me, it can help you. By no means is it the only thing, and again, nothing is a singular Cure-All solution to anything. But yeah, start with some of these little things.

Posted June 17th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

There are two sides to me. The beta bitch null pointed out who doesn't want to even get out of bed. And then Hero Mode where I want to save the planet at the cost of myself. And both are self destructive but I would rather be the second one. I want to lead the resistance. I want to be John Connor.



Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

That's where the we comes in. In the title of this thread. If you're all gaming how can you be on my team when I go take on the fat cats. Sure it sounds like a dumb and laughable fantasy. But we really could if we stopped wallowing in our own misery. Why the fuck do we put up with being ripped off and poisoned every day?

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Don't you want things to change? Ever? Ever God damnit???

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

The best I can do on my own is write a book about how we can win. But if you actually help me, all of you, and all the people on the internet. Fuck. You just want me to get help and survive. Not kill myself. But what I want is to win. For once.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Topple the entire fucking castle.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

If you're all gaming how can you be on my team when I go take on the fat cats.

You should maybe consider stopping though. I have tried to humor your obvious grasping for attention but there really isn't much to say to most of this stuff you're saying now anyway that shouldn't be obvious. You know someone is just going to come in and say that the games aren't at fault or aren't preventing people from doing so, just as you know the advice you'll be given halfway at the very least.

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

I am rambling, sorry, I will go back and read your latest stuff Jet.

But that burning side of me, the vengeance, the scathing judge. That's my core personality. Not the depressed shell of a man I am most days. I want better for all of you.

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

But that burning side of me, the vengeance, the scathing judge.

Edgy! But really you won't change the world in any terribly meaningful and lasting way unless you somehow got god powers. Vengeance is only a draining desire when you don't have the power to back it up.

Edited June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

Jet I go from 0-100 in about three seconds. That's why half the time I am a hopeless mess and the other half I talk like a fusion of Joan of Arc and Shakespeare. I need drama to survive. It's in my blood.

And again I don't feel like succeeding at my own life is good enough. Frankly I am already good at financing my shit and avoiding stress. I could play within the confines of the system the way it is. But we shouldn't have to!

I was an idiot when I was younger. Thinking I could just get by on brains and talent alone without effort. Kira's death sent me into a spiral I still haven't fully escaped. And that hit to the head rewired my brain and I became more interested in the fate of humanity than my own personal happiness because I won't be an artist or a writer and the love of my life is already gone. So my purpose must be something bigger than me.

If it's not bigger than me then I have none. I already did everything I wanted to do for me. I have no personal desires. I just want to beat the system.

Edited June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

That's the problem with talking to me too. Today I am super manic on a cloud. Tomorrow I will probably be bitching about my problems again. Today I don't have any problems. The world does but I sure don't.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

wew

Edited June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

<_<

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Well you clearly don't ultimately respond in any way to being nice, and you clearly don't intend to act on any of this and it's more to pass the time and vent. Maybe he's onto something with being harsh.

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

Because I am in a good mood today and this thread is from when I was in a bad mood?

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Your recent posts say the opposite of a good mood. Even if that's the case though it will just come back right quick by your own admission and thus all these words are wasted on you.

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

All words are wasted everywhere. None of you will fight with me.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I'll just give it to you straight though as to part of the reason why I'm currently responding like this. I do feel for you, but sometimes you're rather excessive and you also remind me of a past self that annoys the fuck out of present me. The reasons why you'll never "win" and people won't "fight with you" go far deeper than you care to realize, and it is very much out of your control.

I once dreamed the same way you do constantly, just with a different endgame since you apparently can't see the bigger picture (which is understandable). But the person who really pulled me into that in the first place likely died a horrible death for sticking his nose too deep into places where it didn't "belong" so to speak. So I had to forget what I could and move on because we were fighting a fight we couldn't win. That's all I can tell you. I know it sounds overly dramatic and vague but that's the way it is. And really I would rather lie and make up ridiculous stories as I have done before than give people reason to believe there is any credence to the whole thing, let alone let them know anything about it because I know even if someone did take it seriously they would probably only end up suffering for it.

But I can say, as long as things remain the way they have been for a very very long period of time, a new "evil" will always rise up in the place of the systems you topple even if you are successful. That is usually at least in part because many people are susceptible to the root of the problem. Rarely do people genuinely just want to make things worse.

So buck up and narrow your scope instead. Focus on what you know and making it better, make things better for you and your friends instead. Fight the influence. You're fighting a fight you can't win, but at least you don't know enough about it to seriously endanger yourself.

Edited June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

You seemed a lot happier when you were taking meds, Red. I think you shouldn't have stopped personally.

Posted June 17th by Chain Chomp
Chain Chomp

Just forget it. I want to die anyway. I would rather die because I am a threat than because I feel like a purposeless waste of space. Manic episode over. Thanks.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

The meds scared me because of the fluoride. Those pills are just another system of control. The same as games. Plug your ears, close your eyes and pretend everything is fine. That's what those pills are.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

I know something is wrong when I am happy because how could anyone be happy living like this.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

My personal life is unsalvagable and the only thing I want to do before I go is kick the establishment in the balls. That's it

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

So buck up and narrow your scope instead. Focus on what you know and making it better, make things better for you and your friends instead. Fight the influence. You're fighting a fight you can't win, but at least you don't know enough about it to seriously endanger yourself.

You'll never find worth if you keep trying to change the fucking world.

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

If you're all gaming how can you be on my team when I go take on the fat cats.


Go charge your own windmills, you paranoid fuck.

My personal life is unsalvagable and the only thing I want to do before I go is kick the establishment in the balls. That's it


"I suck so I'm panicking and lashing out at everything."

Posted June 17th by nullfather
nullfather
 

You won't find happiness that way either actually. You need to learn to focus on yourself and your surroundings or else it'll eat away at you, regardless of how bad the rest of the world is or isn't and how fair it is or isn't.

Edited June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

Mufasa, I hope you snap out of this before you become a truly pathetic creature like Nullfather.

Posted June 17th by Ghowilo
Ghowilo

Also the medicine may not be such a bad idea. But, once again I get where you're coming from on your reasoning. Sometimes it's better to feel right than to be right though.

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

Lol headache making me say some shit I wouldn't otherwise. Amazing what all factors into what makes a person act the way they do

Posted June 17th by KnucklesMK7
KnucklesMK7
 

Kira's death sent me into a spiral I still haven't fully escaped.

Run that one by us again would y ou please? YOu're talking about htat battle tha thappened on the boards when we were kids? Not judging just uncertain. I mean I won't condemn you for it as stuff from back then still haunts me to this day and has made it more difficulte for me to function as well but right now let's focus on your deal here.

Edited June 17th by tnu
tnu

Kira was my girlfriend, she wasn't a regular here so I am not sure who you mean.

Posted June 17th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Why not play games and advance your life?

Posted June 17th by Niqie204
Niqie204
 

We had a regular here who went by the name "Kira" as one of her characters . The character she played was killed in a fight years ago. Also your name doesn't ring a bell. would I know you under a different name?

Posted June 18th by tnu
tnu

That long ago I went by "the oi"

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 


The meds scared me because of the fluoride.


So rather than talking to your doctor, you chose to give into the paranoid ramblings of random people on the internet. Makes sense.

Those pills are just another system of control.


I mean, if you want to consider being able to take control of your own life, sure. If you're so hellbent on being completely miserable, that's your choice, and probably the only aspect of your life you choose to actually act on. But most people here did notice you had an improved mental stability when you were taking them.

The same as games.


Or, more accurately, it's easier for you to blame something else that isn't at fault than to take responsibility for your own life. Medication has helped a lot of people, and yes, it doesn't help everybody, but ya know how many people take medication for depression and still are active participants in trying to improve their communities, or the world? You seem so sure that everything fits into a nice, neat little box, that there's only one function something serves.


I know something is wrong when I am happy because how could anyone be happy living like this.


You mean living in a state of complete misery, with steadfast refusal to do anything to improve it, while also constantly blaming everything around us regardless of whether it is actually in any way at fault, and make everything about these absurd notions of being a fictional movie character or "winning"?

Yeah, I've spent the bulk of my life trying to get to a point where I feel satisfied with myself and my life. You're not going to convince me that was all a waste of time because *you* are depressed. You don't have to live like this. You choose to, and in many ways, it is the only thing you actively make sure to fulfill yourself. Alternatively, you could be relatively happier AND still think the world is fucked up and in need of big changes. (Shit, who *doesn't* think the world is fucked up most of the time?)


Posted June 18th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

I tried medication and it doesn't work for me. I gave it a solid 100 dollar investment over three months. Those pills cost me my damn job because I was too loopy at work. And yeah fluoride makes me paranoid. Those pills were SUPPOSED to curb my anxiety, so why was I still anxious about fluoride? Get the pharmaceutical industry to answer that question

Do you not believe fluoride is bad for you?

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

If I had just shut up and been miserable I could have kept my job. Instead I sought help, lost my job kost all my savings and I have to start over a year older. Those pills only make you feel good, they dont actually make things good.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Forgive me for not wanting to live a lie.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I am not gonna poison myself to feel better. That is what alcoholics do. I am not a pill junkie.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

And then Hero Mode where I want to save the planet at the cost of myself.


So my purpose must be something bigger than me.


became more interested in the fate of humanity


What are you doing about this? Are you donating money or time volunteering for organizations much better qualified and prepared to make changes? Are you working at homeless shelters or soup kitchens, or helping clean the environment? Do you vote in local and national elections, and otherwise engage in politics, offline? You talk a lot about caring more about humanity than yourself, but you don't discuss much of what you currently do that proves that. You talk about wanting to be a fictional character that isn't real, of being the leader of some revolution, but what do you do currently to help others?


I go from 0-100 in about three seconds


I was referring to a career. You have virtually no patience whatsoever, and it's something you should really consider working on. You aren't going to go from not having a gig to being a best-selling novelist. You sure as shit will never go from this to John Connor (and not just because he is a fictional character in a fucking movie; that's such a strange ideal to try to hit...) There are usually a number of steps, or a number of years before those things happen. Sure, sometimes it happens, but not even Martin Luther King became a national icon and major historical figure overnight.


Frankly I am already good at financing my shit and avoiding stress.


Most of your posts on this forum indicate otherwise. Just saying, almost none of your behavior on this site indicates that you are good at avoiding stress...


Thinking I could just get by on brains and talent alone without effort.


Pardon me for suggesting, but it doesn't sound like that's all that different than where you are now. You constantly talk about how easy you think it should be to change everything, whether it's something in the world, or some aspect of your own mentality. You want everything to come easy; naturally. You can't even be bothered to put in the effort to help yourself. Why would anyone believe you're going to put in the effort to help other people?

because I won't be an artist or a writer


Because *you* make that so. All things considered, ya know how easy it is to become an artist or writer? It's literally as easy as just doing it! But you don't want to be an artist or writer if you can't make a living off it (because, sure, that's what art is...) So, it's easier for you to just say, "I won't be what I want to be because other people won't let it happen!" (By virtue of saying, "No one will hire me," or, "They'll make me compromise my integrity for money first.") You hold yourself back in so many ways, but especially on this front.


Kira's death sent me into a spiral I still haven't fully escaped.


and the love of my life is already gone.


Not to be insensitive, but do you suppose Kira would appreciate you using her as justification for spiraling out all the time and never even bothering to truly commit to getting better yourself?

Also, you know how absurd it is to think that one person you met as a teenager was somehow the only person you could ever love or be loved by, right? Like, if you ever did try to seek help in earnest and with commitment to the effort, and you got to a point where you weren't constantly trying to bring everyone around you down to your level, no relationship would be the same as the one you had with her. But people are capable of loving so many people in their lifetimes. This is yet another area where you choose to hold yourself back. It's easier to just say, "She was the only one, and now she's gone, so there's nothing I can do about it!" rather than have to actually deal with her death and figure it out (like literally all of us have had to do - we've all endured loss, man). I can only imagine how many people you've missed out on developing new relationships with because you continue to hold yourself back....



Posted June 18th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

Don't you want things to change? Ever? Ever God damnit???


To repeat Vandy again, WHY NOT BOTH?

Seriously, why is it so impossible - in that brain of yours - that we can fight for change AND play video games, or spend time online, or whatever other distractions you think "the system" is throwing at us with the intention of distracting us? Why do you interpret playing games or doing things we enjoy means we don't want things to change, or that we're not actively trying to change things? Why do you have to keep putting everything in these super tiny, contained boxes as if they can't ever overlap?


But we really could if we stopped wallowing in our own misery.


...who is "we" here? Who else is "wallowing in our own misery"?

Posted June 18th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

She probably wouldn't be happy about it, no.

Jet don't insult me. I already said, my grandfather is my favorite person on this planet. I go out of my way to visit him in other provinces and other countries every year. If I have vacation time that's where I go. And at the time she was alive he couldn't possibly compete. I had known my grandfather for 20 years by then. It was true love. And you can't possibly appreciate the devastation that went through my system when I found out. The sheer cold and lack of anything. I was a walking shell for months, and I still haven't fully recovered. This was seven years ago.

I am an adult and was an adult when I was 20. Old enough to love and old enough to die inside.

I am not saying it's impossible there is another one out there. But by now the pain isn't even worth it. I couldn't go through that again and live. I don't know how I survived.

Have you ever had your best friend die?

Edited June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I am afraid to love again. Because unless we die in a car crash together it's very likely one of the two of us will have to go through what I went through. I don't want that for someone I care about that much. And I certainly don't want it for me.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

You either didn't understand what I said when I said "Do you ever want it to change? " or took it out of context. I am not sure which.

I want people to band together with me and tear down the establishment. But they can't do that if they are distracted or scared or don't think I am credible.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I tried medication and it doesn't work for me. I gave it a solid 100 dollar investment over three months. Those pills cost me my damn job because I was too loopy at work. And yeah fluoride makes me paranoid. Those pills were SUPPOSED to curb my anxiety, so why was I still anxious about fluoride?


First of all, three months is hardly any time at all for treating what has been a pretty intense case of manic depression that has been largely untreated for years and years. This goes back to how you have no patience whatsoever and expect things to happen instantly. If you want any treatment plan to work, whether it's just therapy, or therapy with medication, or whatever, you're going to have to give yourself a lot more than a three month window...

And then this keeps coming up and I don't remember if you ever gave me an answer, but:

Did you talk to your doctor about this stuff? Did you tell your doctor that you were feeling more anxious taking the medication? Did you tell your doctor that you noticed the medication was making you loopy? (And on that note, did you tell your boss at work that you were on new medication and weren't sure if it might have any side effects or what it might do?) Did you talk to your doctor about your concerns over medication with fluoride?

Given your general demeanor on this site, I'd probably guess the answer to all of those is, "no." That you just had this expectation that everything would work itself out perfectly and quickly, with no effort required on your part. But even on medication, you are not some mindless idiot drone. If you notice the medication making you loopy, or making you feel more anxious, you more than have it in you to talk to your doctor. I think the last time this came up, you said you decided to quit the medication of your own accord. (I can't totally remember, but I seem to recall that's what you said.)

I may seem like a big advocate for trying medication (because I think it genuinely can be a very positive tool in fighting depression or anxiety), but it's medication. You have to monitor it and actually communicate. I have never, at any point, indicated that medication is a Cure-All solution to anything. You have to monitor it, and communicate with your doctor if you notice negative effects or develop concerns. And also, you probably should communicate with your manager at work if you're starting to take new medication if you're unsure how it might affect you.


Those pills only make you feel good, they dont actually make things good.


So you'd rather have a job you hate and be miserable than lose your job and feel good about the basic premise of being alive? That's an interesting set of priorities you have... But either way, this again highlights that one of the root of your problems is your unwillingness to actually put in the time and effort. You're going to need more than medication to fix your problems, but at least with a medication that makes you feel better, you are more likely to actually try those other things. It sounds like you did virtually nothing else to try to get better, but surely you can agree that for many people, if they feel good, they're more likely to engage in things they enjoy and be more active than if they feel miserable all the time and constantly wonder, "What's the point of doing anything?"


Forgive me for not wanting to live a lie.


You're already living one, so it's no skin off my back which lie you want to live. Whether it's that somehow not being completely miserable is a lie, or that you're miserable because of video games and movies, or that other people are preventing you from becoming an artist. Or that you care about humanity more than yourself, but you want the attention of a world leader without having to actually do anything. Or that lie you tried to feed us about how you're already good at saving money and avoiding stress (these threads inherently indicate otherwise). And I mean, sure, we all lie to ourselves at some point for some reason. But I don't see how taking medication, going to therapy, actually spending time doing things you enjoy, not pinning yourself into a tiny box, setting reasonable objectives to accomplish, not making everything about "winning," et cetera, is any worse of a lie.


I am not a pill junkie.


Neither am I nor any of my friends who have been managing depression. I'm not saying medication will impact everyone the same way (it won't, no medication for any ailment does), and I've never said it will fix your problems, but I know for me, I would not have felt good enough to start adjusting my life to get to where I'm at without taking the anti-depressant and the sleep aid under my treatment plan. Those things enabled me to make some pretty major changes that have gone a long way to managing the depression in a relatively healthy fashion.


Do you not believe fluoride is bad for you?


Not in the amounts we're talking about here. Which anti-depressant did they give you, by the way?

Posted June 18th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

And you can't possibly appreciate the devastation that went through my system when I found out.


Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and give a solid "fuck you" to that comment. You're seriously not the only person who has ever experienced the loss of someone you love dearly. While, sure, I've never experienced someone I was romantically tied to die, I have had a close friend kill herself.


But by now the pain isn't even worth it.


In part because you continue to focus on only the negative. And you have held yourself back for so long and never dealt with anything, so you let this all snowball, so now you can only pretty much think about the pain, and not the good times you spent together. YOU might find human vulnerability and mortality not worth it, but for me, when I've lost relatives or friends, it reminds me that I need to really focus on the good. It helps me be a better person, family member, and friend, while also making me feel a bit like I'm honoring them by not letting them be an anchor that sinks me, because I know they sure as shit wouldn't want that.


Posted June 18th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

I apologize for that comment. I just wanted to drill the point home how important she was to me. I didn't mean to assume anything about your life. That's why I asked at the end.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

I am sorry about your friend. It's really hard. And of course the time you got to have is worth the pain of the loss. But you must be able to understand why I don't actively seek out that kind of pain.

It's easier for people to assume I am cold and without personality. No one knows how hard I love when I do and I am happy that way. Not like actually happy, but it's a good strategy, happy.

Edited June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

Every human relationship is different. So you really won't appreciate what I went through. That particular bond can't be replicated - that's what I meant to say. I am dyslexic and I worded it badly. My bad.

Posted June 18th by Burrito Grand Master
Burrito Grand Master
 

. I want to lead the resistance. I want to be John Connor.

I would not trust you as a leader

Posted June 18th by S.o.h.
S.o.h.
 

I have a full time job now. I make video games on the side. Because my full time job has taken up so much of my life, I'm going to stop developing for a while, and see if I can get back into just playing video games instead of making them. I might not have the time and dedication to games that I once had, but I still appreciate what they do.

That being said, games have not taken over my life. I watch movies and shows more than I play games. I browse the internet more than I play games. I talk with friends and make music more than I play games. I make games and playtest them, but I hardly ever have a chance to play the games from others.

Not everyone on this site has a gaming addiction, but for those who do it might be wise to not get so hyped up any time a new game comes out. Life goes on whether you spend your time playing games or you don't. It's your life. Live it how you want.

Posted June 18th by mariomguy
mariomguy
What up, 1-up
Reply to: I hate to say it but we have to stop gaming

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