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I know this has been done to death, well not quite death yet, but, yeah that was a bad expression to use
Posted: Posted May 30th by I killed Mufasa

The reason why I am suicidal is because no matter what person I am talking to, I am not higher than third wheel. Invariably every human being on this planet has somebody that they like more than they like me.

People suggest shit like shrinks but what I need is a friend who needs me. Nobody needs me. My existence is inconsequential.

There are 8 Replies

what I need is a friend who needs me.

That's your problem, fam.

Posted May 30th by Chain Chomp
Chain Chomp

What so I should be happy in isolation?

Posted May 30th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Invariably every human being on this planet has somebody that they like more than they like me.


It's not a fucking contest, man. It should be enough that anyone likes you. Period. This was a thing that took me some time to realize, but the fact that anyone likes me at all in any capacity is nothing short of miraculous. Who cares if they have closer friends or someone they "like more." (And when it comes to friends, generally it works out to be someone they "like differently." Most people don't really rank their friends. They "like" people in different capacities, not "better" or "more.")

But also, if this is such a concern for you, consider what this attitude of yours displayed here has on that. Something that doesn't exactly draw people in is this attitude that you are soooo convinced you lack any real agency over your own life, or that no one likes you enough, or that "woe is me" demeanor. Believe me: it's terrible for attracting people to commit to you in any capacity. I spent the first half of my twenties chasing people away because of shit like this before realizing that I should consider myself lucky that anyone at all ever wants to talk to me or spend any amount of time with me. That is enough for me, and when adopting that attitude, I became substantially more appreciative of everyone around me. And ya know what? It made people like me more and hang out with me more. I've got some of the best friends I have ever had over the past few years because I stopped comparing myself and my relationships to other people or their relationships. It's not a contest. You're going to keep driving yourself crazy if you continue to do this.


People suggest shit like shrinks


Well, people suggest shit like shrinks or psychologists to help you deal with what seems to be a pretty textbook case of clinical, untreated depression. And the good ones can help you make solid changes in your life and your attitude that will go a long way. But they aren't going to suddenly give your life purpose (although I still don't really understand why we need to find a greater "purpose" for our lives - mine is meaningless. Who cares? I'm just gonna do what I'm gonna do. Fuck anyone else's expectation for my life).


what I need is a friend who needs me.


This is the "quick fix" thing I've talked about throughout the months. You keep thinking that all you need to fix your own problems is somebody else. The impetus for your life changing for the better is not anything you do; it's what someone else can do for you (provided that person is not a doctor, because god forbid you let professionals actually try to help you). The very fact that you think the solution to the bulk of your problems is just someone who "needs you" is A) pretty egotistical - check that shit - and B) further display of you dismissing the idea that you have agency over all of this.

Bottom line is that before anyone really even can like you enough to feel like they "need you," you have to learn how to like yourself and to be comfortable on your own. It's a cliche as shit sentiment, but it's also completely true. No one is going to really appreciate having a friend who puts too much pressure on them to take care of them. That shit weighs people down, which will inevitably make them leave. And because you don't bother to really help yourself, and you refuse to take any control over your own life, or commit to seeking professionals for help in treating the depression, you're just going to chase them away, and then blame them for "abandoning you."

Posted May 30th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

I actually agree with you Jet, I should be more appreciative of any time people give me. But I make people my top priority and I am like their c or d option and it comes up a lot. And I have abandonment issues man. Seriously bad abandonment issues. My sister does this a lot to me.

Posted May 30th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

What so I should be happy in isolation?


If you can't be happy on your own, how can anyone possibly believe you're going to be happy with them? Even more, who actually wants to engage with someone that they know is going to put their entire happiness and well-being into them? Ya know what people don't really like? Feeling like if they can't hang out with you on a particular day, you're going to spiral out and throw a fit about how people don't like you enough.

And no one is suggesting you be happy "in isolation." You should still seek out other people and hang out with them. Just don't put literally your entire happiness in their hands. It's not healthy for you, and it sure as fuck isn't fair to them.

Posted May 30th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

But I make people my top priority and I am like their c or d option and it comes up a lot.


So what? Learn to live in that moment when you're hanging out with people. Who cares why they're hanging out with you, or if you were their second option for the night. I guarantee that if you start being more outwardly appreciative of the fact that they're choosing to spend time with you at all, and you stop trying to hold yourself over them ("I make people a top priority while I'm just their B or C option" is not an attractive or fair stance to take either, as you're basically saying, "you're a shittier friend than I am!" People don't generally like that kind of attitude wherein you hold shit over them), people will gravitate more to you. If people feel appreciated, and not literally relied upon or else you'll become suicidal (which is way too much pressure to put on other people), they might very well want to spend more time with you.

You have to at some point start at least trying to be more positive. Stop comparing everything as well. None of this is a contest. And start valuing yourself. Those things will really go a long way. Fuck, man, if *I* can do that shit, you can totally do that shit too.

Posted May 30th by Jet Presto
Jet Presto

No I mean they bail on plans all the time. I don't mind being the third option and actually hanging out. I don't like being the third option and thinking I was the 1st option.

Posted May 30th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Some people make plans with everyone and then pick and choose

Posted May 30th by I killed Mufasa
I killed Mufasa
long live the king
Reply to: I know this has been done to death, well not quite death yet, but, yeah that was a bad expression to use

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