The "and he was a good friend" meme
Posted: Posted September 29th, 2016 by Agis pw
Luke, did I ever tell you that your father created C-3PO? He built him out of scraps when he was 8 years old. He gave him feelings and emotions and then made him work against his will doing chores in his house. He also gave it the mental state of a huge neurotic pussy so it would never be comfortable or happy. He was a good slave.
Luke, did I ever tell you about Yoda? Well he is a small green alien that was the jedi master of order. He had a small miniature green lightsaber and would do cool backflips whilst swinging his lightsaber around. He also used to teach classes on the force at the jedi academy to all the younglings, that is, until your father murdered all of the younglings. Yoda also coincidentally befriended the wookie named Chewbacca while all my fellow jedi friends were being brutally murdered by order 66. Unfortunately poor old Yoda didn't sense the midichlorin count of the emperor and had the entire jedi order eradicated and the republic usurped under his incompetence. You should seek Yoda out in the Dagobah system, he was a good friend.
Luke, did I ever tell you about the Sand People? They kidnapped your grandmother, and your father slaughtered them like animals. He was a good friend
Luke, did I ever tell you about Nute Gunray? He spent 15 years following the orders of a creepy old man hologram who he never even met. Even when those orders were about invading randoms planets and starting an intergalactic war. And even at the end, when following this hologram had gotten him nothing but tons of his ships and droids destroyed, he still trusted him enough to travel to a lava planet, where your father murdered him in cold blood. He was a good friend
Luke, did I ever tell you about Bigger Luke? The two of you are nearly identical, except he's ever so slightly larger. Remember when you went into Yoda's Dagobah Force Tree, saw your face inside Darth Vader's broken helmet and thought it meant your greatest fear was becoming Darth Vader? Well, that was the corpse of Bigger Luke you were staring at. You killed him. He was a good friend.
Luke, your uncle didn't want you to follow Old Obi-Wan on some damn fool crusade and be a Jedi like your father. Which I think is preposterous, because your father was an excellent Jedi right before he committed mass murder, choked your mother unconscious, and had his arms and legs cut off. By me. He was a good friend.
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