The first verse is so lonely but the second one is so beautifully full of hope and a new perspective.
I think this poem sums up what everyone so aptly said of Sus - that he always seemed so compassionate even when he was hurting. This couldn’t have been easy for you to post. Thanks for sharing, though. Do you have more of his poetry? He seemed quite talented.
Posted November 21st
by Weird Occurance
Thanks very much for sharing your response. <b3 <b3 <b3 I'm feeling a little at a loss for words right now. I do have more of his poetry. It's extraordinarily special to me right now.
Jason once told me he was "obsessed" with part of a Dickinson poem: "I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away / What portion of me be / Assignable..."
His obsession was probably related to the fact that he usually had a draft of a suicide note going. I sometimes feel like I'm trying really hard (even desperately) to gather up the portions of him that can be assignable. Not sure how much sense that makes. It probably made more sense in my head, haha.
This is the whole poem, if anyone might be interested:
Edited November 22nd
That line - and your interpretation with why it meant something to him stings so deeply and I didn't even know him well. :( I'm so sorry - I wish I could say something less generic than that, but I can't even imagine what it must've been like to know he was drafting suicide notes this whole time. None of this is your fault, but I bet you partially feel like it is and that's really sad, too. I'm sorry.
It only makes sense that you treasure his poetry and what you have left of him. God, the whole thing's so sad. I don't think i'd be able to handle the situation any better than you are - but I think it's incredibly telling that you cherish what you have that used to belong to him.
I think you can do something really special, though...your mind should be a little more clear since you've been sobering up and I know you're hurting - maybe compile his poetry into some sort of notebook / binder? something creative and sweet that makes you feel like you're honoring his memory? I know the pain's still really raw, but sometimes you just gotta face it and try to turn it into something more healthy. Easier said than done, but I think you can come up with something.
And feel free to share more as you like / see fit. I know I'd love to see more if you're willing to share it.
Hang in there, Ceta <3
Posted November 22nd
by Weird Occurance
I know I never replied, but I wanted to say that I really appreciated your message. <3 Means a lot. I'm so grateful for all your empathy and support.
Also fuck. :( Every time I read this poem I wanna cry.
It feels like he's talking to me from the grave and telling me he's still with me and I can look at the world the way he taught me.
Don't know exactly how I got to that, but it's an emotion more than a thought so that's fine.
It’s lovely. The struggle followed by inspirational words, letting you know that there is still something beyond the pits of despair and not to give up.
I cannot find the words to say that would match up with what Weird Occurrence has mentioned already. So I will just go with what seems appropriate.
“Promise. Keep looking up.”
by Dark Knowings
Thank you, Dark Knowings. <3 It really truly means a lot. Thank you for reading. It helps to keep him alive in some way. IDK