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What do you think of this poem by susurrous?
Posted: Posted November 16th
Edited November 17th by Cetasaurus
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At first it left no impression on me, and now all of a sudden it means the whole gosh darn world. :( And I'm... just sad. :( :( :(

EDIT: It was marked as a draft, so take that for what you will, I guess. He'd probably want you to know it wasn't finished, maybe?

Winter Up North
(Organs of Extreme Perfection)

"Some of the lowest organisms, in which nerves
cannot be detected, are capable of perceiving light."
–Charles Darwin, 1859

Tomorrow, when the sun starts to go down
again, you will predict how far
the temperature is going to drop. The trees
will moan and their core tissues will
freeze, and you can tell me: it hurts
like nothing else.

But somewhere up there
are the brightest stars,
and while your mind is
still reeling from the violence
of daybreak, I know, for now,
they seem out of sight.
Promise, keep looking up
and your eyes will adjust to the light.

There are 8 Replies

The first verse is so lonely but the second one is so beautifully full of hope and a new perspective.

I think this poem sums up what everyone so aptly said of Sus - that he always seemed so compassionate even when he was hurting. This couldn’t have been easy for you to post. Thanks for sharing, though. Do you have more of his poetry? He seemed quite talented.

Posted November 21st by Weird Occurance
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Thanks very much for sharing your response. I'm feeling a little at a loss for words right now. I do have more of his poetry. It's extraordinarily special to me right now.

Jason once told me he was "obsessed" with part of a Dickinson poem: "I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away / What portion of me be / Assignable..."

His obsession was probably related to the fact that he usually had a draft of a suicide note going. I sometimes feel like I'm trying really hard (even desperately) to gather up the portions of him that can be assignable. Not sure how much sense that makes. It probably made more sense in my head, haha.

This is the whole poem, if anyone might be interested: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45703/i-heard-a-fly-buzz-when-i-died-591

Edited November 22nd by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8

That line - and your interpretation with why it meant something to him stings so deeply and I didn't even know him well. :( I'm so sorry - I wish I could say something less generic than that, but I can't even imagine what it must've been like to know he was drafting suicide notes this whole time. None of this is your fault, but I bet you partially feel like it is and that's really sad, too. I'm sorry.

It only makes sense that you treasure his poetry and what you have left of him. God, the whole thing's so sad. I don't think i'd be able to handle the situation any better than you are - but I think it's incredibly telling that you cherish what you have that used to belong to him.

I think you can do something really special, though...your mind should be a little more clear since you've been sobering up and I know you're hurting - maybe compile his poetry into some sort of notebook / binder? something creative and sweet that makes you feel like you're honoring his memory? I know the pain's still really raw, but sometimes you just gotta face it and try to turn it into something more healthy. Easier said than done, but I think you can come up with something.

And feel free to share more as you like / see fit. I know I'd love to see more if you're willing to share it.

Hang in there, Ceta

Posted November 22nd by Weird Occurance
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I know I never replied, but I wanted to say that I really appreciated your message. Means a lot. I'm so grateful for all your empathy and support.

Posted Wednesday by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8

Also fuck. :( Every time I read this poem I wanna cry.

Posted Wednesday by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8

It feels like he's talking to me from the grave and telling me he's still with me and I can look at the world the way he taught me.

Don't know exactly how I got to that, but it's an emotion more than a thought so that's fine.

Posted Wednesday by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8

It’s lovely. The struggle followed by inspirational words, letting you know that there is still something beyond the pits of despair and not to give up.
I cannot find the words to say that would match up with what Weird Occurrence has mentioned already. So I will just go with what seems appropriate.
“Promise. Keep looking up.”

Posted Thursday by Dark Knowings
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Thank you, Dark Knowings. It really truly means a lot. Thank you for reading. It helps to keep him alive in some way. IDK

Posted Friday by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8
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