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Two qu estions (regarding therapy and change)
Posted: Posted May 17th
Edited May 17th by tnu
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1. WOuld someone be willing to be in a voice call on Discord or something if I went to therapy? I think having someone around who's heard a lto fo what I"ve already said aro u nd here owuld really help me i n a session. (Still tyring to find ideas ot make it easier)


2. TO any and all of y ou individually how do you normally handle change and if you don't handle it well normally what helps you with it?


Frankly I want my friends back and I"m jus ttrying to figure this crap out.


Is ther ea free or cheep al ernative that will sufficie that doesnt' require me to travel to and form an office? is there a better chance of success if I"m confined in a rehab or mental he alth facility?


Also how regularly can I go? Could I improve the effectivnesss of the process if I comitt myself to a full time 24 h o ur type of therapy facility?

S
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1. That would be kinda weird. I don't know if most professional therapists would go for something like that. Besides, I don't think most of the people from here would say what you want them to say in a therapy session. I think you're trying to put some of the burden of the process off on someone else - and I think that if one of us did choose to take on that responsibility, we would be more blunt than you would be comfortable with and you would wind up shutting yourself off as a defensive reaction. Kind of a catch-22.

2. I'd say that it depends on the situation, but the reality is that I'm not the best at introspection and I can't tell you exactly what underlies my ability to deal with situations of loss and change. There are certain ways in which I have very clearly not moved on from some things in my past, but the way that I hold on to those needs do not create enough strife for me to make the choice to do the work to develop ways of thinking around them.

However, there are some very big changes, especially recently, that I have managed to deal with. With these, I can't help but think that there are multiple stages of assessing and acting that I have gone through where I look at different aspects one at a time instead of trying to untie the entire Gordian knot at once.

First are the pragmatic concerns. What is it, where is it, how will it affect me? Does it affect other people? Is it dangerous? How will others react to this in the moment? What are they likely to do? Do I need to do something to help them before addressing the main concern? Should I work on the main concern before I try to clean up the results? How much responsibility are others going to take on in this situation? How much can I rely on them? These are mechanical considerations to try to avoid unnecessary pain in order to prevent the exacerbation of and promote the resolution of the situation.

After these things have been addressed, then there are the emotional concerns. How did I feel about what happened? How did others feel about it? Did others suffer more or less than I did, and did they have more or less emotional reaction? Have I experienced these emotions in the past, and how did I react then? If my reactions in the past have caused me additional strife, how should I move around them this time?

After both pragmatic and emotional concerns have been dealt with to some satisfactory degree, I can look at the future. What does this mean moving forward? Has there been a loss of something necessary to me? Can I find something like that again? Can I make it happen, or do I have to go looking for it? If others have been effected, will they want to come together? If so, are they working from a solid foundation of having addressed their own pragmatic and emotional concerns, or are they going to bring the future down?

There's been shit happening in my life both privately and occupationally that have prompted me to go through these steps. The worst part is that these steps are so general and problems can be so big that you can be cut off from interacting directly one or more of these concerns, or interacting to a significant degree. At a certain point, I don't know how to explain brute acceptance. It's like trying to explain why a logical axiom works. We have all the examples in the world of it working, and I can try to describe a lot of the associated processes, but I can't tell you where it comes from.

Posted May 17th by Silent Circle
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1. Seems likely I"d shut myself out anyway.


2. Seems like a lo of stress increasing variables.

Edited May 17th by tnu
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tnu
 

1. guess you should work on that.

2. sure, it's stressful. Suffering happens. It's not going to not happen because you don't want to think about it.

Posted May 17th by Silent Circle
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1. Easier said than done.

2. Isn't the point to reduce stress?

Edited May 17th by tnu
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tnu
 

Yes. The point is to reduce stress. The point is not to try to never experience loss and suffering. You are never going to do that. What you can do is try to formulate the tools and do the work that lets you reduce the total amount of stress in your life.

Posted May 17th by Silent Circle
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Can I automate the process on future instances? I'd rather avoid repeating the process as I've said many times before it would defeat the purpose of doing it to begin with and as far as i'm concerned cancel out any worthwhile benefit.

Edited May 17th by tnu
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tnu
 

It does get easier. You don't necessarily have to create all new tools for every job. But you're never going to not do any work with them at some point.

Posted May 17th by Silent Circle
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Probably better off minimizing how muchw ork I need to do in the logn run.

Posted May 17th by tnu
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tnu
 

Yeah, I know you don't want to do anything.

Posted May 17th by Silent Circle
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Yes it makes sense to want to save oneself from doing unnessecary repetative work.

Posted May 17th by tnu
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tnu
 
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