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in about two hours i'll be 5 weeks in. i slipped up twice in that time, so i can't say i've been nicotine-free, but i've been "quit" since then.

it seems unreal to me that it's only been a little over a month because it feels like this has been the hardest goddamn year of my life.

i think i'm starting to realize that i have an issue with drugs themselves, not just a nicotine addiction. i've been getting fucked up way more often than i should since i quit, alternating between alcohol, weed, kratom and sleeping pills. for a few days my stomach was in so much pain i thought i drank myself an ulcer. so i think it's time to take a break from everything. i'm looking into maybe getting a Y membership or something for a healthier form of stress relief.

i also had two somewhat close friendships blow up in the past couple of weeks because it turns out they just wanted to fuck me (and one tried to take advantage of how fucking sloshed i was one night) so that's not making things any better.

still not gonna use any nicotine tho

but i'm definitely ready for 2019 judging by the way this year is going

thanks for reading my diary

prickly, punk rock prince of the proletariat
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There are 11 Replies

Yeah, none of that shit is particularly good for you, but kratom will legit fuck you up. I'm glad you're at least taking a break from everything.

Over here in my much less exciting life, my rejection of alcohol for health reasons is going relatively well. It's annoying sometimes, given how I work in a fucking Irish pub and people try to buy me drinks pretty regularly, but it's not that bad. I don't miss getting drunk at all. It was mainly a social thing anyway.

The thing that really came out of left field was when one of the bartender's offered me some weed while we were closing up one night. Like, no, dude, I don't want to smoke weed with you. I want to wash these fucking dishes and then leave as soon as possible.

Posted February 2nd by nullfather
nullfather

"Yeah, none of that shit is particularly good for you, but kratom will legit fuck you up. I'm glad you're at least taking a break from everything."

yeah, it's probably one of the harder drugs i've done, despite what hippies will tell you. it's not a miracle medicine that cures everything from back pain to depression because it's "natural" - you're just high as fuuuuuuuck and something like oxy would have the same effect

"Over here in my much less exciting life, my rejection of alcohol for health reasons is going relatively well. It's annoying sometimes, given how I work in a fucking Irish pub and people try to buy me drinks pretty regularly, but it's not that bad. I don't miss getting drunk at all. It was mainly a social thing anyway."

i would personally be heartbroken if i couldn't drink alcohol anymore (again, see the paragraph about my unhealthy relationship with drugs), so it's great to hear that you're not missing it.

"The thing that really came out of left field was when one of the bartender's offered me some weed while we were closing up one night. Like, no, dude, I don't want to smoke weed with you. I want to wash these fucking dishes and then leave as soon as possible."

hahaha yeah fuck that. when i'm at work, my #1 priority is getting home ASAP. i also never liked smoking weed with other people - i like to be alone and float around with my own thoughts.

Posted February 2nd by poptart!
poptart!
 

I should have asked him if he had any acid.

Posted February 2nd by nullfather
nullfather

i hate psychedelics - weed can make me paranoid enough; i don't need to take something that'll turn me into a crying toddler.

honestly opiates are the #1 drug of all time in terms of how they make you feel. it's a shame they're like so addictive. i tossed what was left of my kratom ):

Edited February 14th by poptart!
poptart!
 

im addictied to opiates

Posted February 14th by Brandy
Brandy

im addictied to opiates


Yeah? What are you on?

Posted February 14th by nullfather
nullfather

vicodin

Posted February 14th by Brandy
Brandy

Hydrocodone is pretty weak, unless you're legitimately abusing it. How'd you get into it? How much do you take?

Posted February 14th by nullfather
nullfather

i had 2 surgeries and it was proscribed for pain after surgery. i take a certrain amount a day depends on well i feel its wearing off or how much i ate or didnt eat. i know its probably the weakest opiod but i like what it does for me i find i more sociably when am on it, but i do forget things a lot especially at work i find if people talk to me i forgot what i was doing beforehand then remember it like 5 minutes later lol

Posted February 14th by Brandy
Brandy

they probably wouldn't do anything for me now, but i felt a little faded the times i parachuted vics back in high school

Posted February 14th by poptart!
poptart!
 

OK. If you're taking a certain amount of it per day and it's been prescribed for actual pain, you're not abusing it. If you're finding yourself compelled to use it after the pain has gone, if you're looking for it outside of a prescription, if it's seriously interfering with your life, etc., those are indicators of addiction. You're not addicted to it.

I really doubt that it's seriously addictive in the first place. I was on hydrocodone for a little while due to a strained back and it took literally no effort to drop it even though I was taking enough to legitimately get high.

Posted February 14th by nullfather
nullfather
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