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We're gonna need a bigger boat.
poem in which susurrous is bitterer abt things than he thought
Posted: Posted September 6th, 2017
Edited September 15th, 2017 by susurrous

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There are 10 Replies

needs more scary ghosts



Posted September 6th, 2017 by Xhin
Xhin
 

[scribbling notes] xhin is a genius... a genius!

Posted September 6th, 2017 by susurrous
susurrous
 


(I wonder how many times I fell)
Mother, the fact remains: I want
(to become a ghost)
to hurt you in the subtlest ways.
The smell of bourbon pulses behind our eyes (which are holes cut into sheets)


These are maybe examples, though idk if they hit the scary scary factor enough.

Posted September 7th, 2017 by Xhin
Xhin
 

oh gee xhin how scary were you thinking? like v v scary or just p dang spooky? i think that you nailed the latter!

Posted September 7th, 2017 by susurrous
susurrous
 



Posted September 7th, 2017 by susurrous
susurrous
 

I like it a lot. Sorry, I know that's like the least helpful thing I could say. Hopefully I can expound more later, but have you considered submitting it anywhere? I do think it's really good; kind of reminds me of Raymond Carver maybe?

Posted September 7th, 2017 by Ophelia
Ophelia

"Sorry, I know that's like the least helpful thing I could say."

no no trust me my inner dialogue took care of 'least helpful' your encouragement means so much more than i want to admit

ive never consider submitting anything anywhere ty so much though for reading and for your feedback :)

Posted September 8th, 2017 by susurrous
susurrous
 

i get e.e. cummings vibes from it

i'll say more later. back to work

Posted September 8th, 2017 by poptart!
poptart!
 

I like it a lot, too.

Something I keep noticing when I come back to it is that it's shorter than I'm expecting. Even internally some of the lines are, like, puny. With foreknowledge of how much it contains, I'm always surprised it's so small.

This probably isn't helpful to you, it's just something I'm kinda fascinated with right now.

I'm not sure how much you want to hear from me.

Posted September 8th, 2017 by Cetasaurus
Cetasaurus
AKA: Kyogre

ty poptart i hope your work is going well! :)

ceta – i guess maybe it's funny you should mention that
the first draft of this was v long
ty for your input it is valuable to me :)
sorry, i feel kind of awkward rn like if im supposed to be code-switching im in-between codes lol. i love you though ty for reading this

Posted September 8th, 2017 by susurrous
susurrous
 
Reply to: poem in which susurrous is bitterer abt things than he thought

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