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Where am I going?
Posted: Posted September 10th
Edited September 10th by tnu
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I just dont' really have any anymore because most of what I planned had fallen thro ugh and with it pretty much all my motivation I was never that interested in vague goals liek the pursuit of wealth or power or even startign a family because they enver seemed that interesting to me some of them were useful to me b ut alw ays as ameans tos oemthji ng more specific that I wanted (in th is case m ore specifically wealth) others like getting married nad having kids never interested me at all becuase I felt klike the y would largley takea wa y from mye xisting relationships and passions so I'm just really tyrign to think of anythign at all I actuall y "want" for the fu ture.

People talk about opportunities but opportunities for "what" specifically. Wealth and power are means to an end not an end in and of themselves so I'd need to find a fulfilling use for them. marrriage and kids don't seem like my thing.

I mean I could just theoretically go along with whatever my partner wants b ut I don't really ahve any ambitions of my own left.

Most of m y focus is on recovering what I've lost or preserving what I have rather than an y u ndefiend "new".t "Moving forward" b ut for me it's like "to what"? I feel like anything I move towards is going to take me further away from my existing friends and passions the shit that's alw ays mattered to me because that's always seemed to be the pattern of what's ha ppened to me. people move towards their future goals and I js ut don't belong there.

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What do you tend to do a lot of? Whether or not you feel particularly rewarded by it?
That’s often a hint to what you might like, if you were up to,liking anything.

Posted September 14th by chiarizio
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Try to figureo ut how to get m y friend back.

Posted September 14th by tnu
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If that's the same one that you keep mentioning on this site then you're going in cricles. So, nowhere.

Posted September 14th by Moonray
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I figured. I don't have big future goals or anything as they don't interest me in the slightest.

Edited September 14th by tnu
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Just look for new interests and hobbies, even if you don't think you'll like them. You'll only really know if you try them. And by doing new things you'll meet new people.

Posted September 14th by Moonray
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Been doing that. Was actually going to DM you with something related to this. New doesn't effectively replace old in my experience. People and things aren't interchangeable enough for that to work. There is nothing these new things and people can really do to replace the old or even help mitigate or suppress the impact of it. As such I don't have any openings for new poeple they're all filled. I'm rather exhausted by new people and things in fact.

Edited September 14th by tnu
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Like we talked about, either you try a therapist, try what other people including myself suggested in the last thread, or both at once but there isn't much else anyone here can do that a therapist can't offer.

Posted September 14th by Grey Echelon
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and first day of therapy so far so "meh" generally the same stuiff except with obnoxious homework assignmetns.

So right now just waiting until my next appointment cause I don't feel like doing much else. Seriously when depression makes evertyhing feel like a tedious chore why does everyone including the therapist think it's a good idea to assign tedious frustrating busywork?

and I don't know why that got self-tagged. hand must have slipped.

Edited September 15th by tnu
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You need to do it anyway.
Pick one thing your therapist said to do, do it, and congratulte or even reward yourself.
I’m not saying I have an easy time following my own advice.


It’s early days yet.
If you haven’t followed any of the advice you haven’t really even started therapy.
Complaining that you don’t feel better yet is like complaining “But I’m still hungry!” when you’ve just seen the menu.


I don’t know if this next “story” is typical; or whether it applies to you even if it is typical.
Someone I know about got better in around a year.
Four months in he felt like he had gotten nowhere.
Eight months in he felt like he had made some progress but he was way less than half done.
A year in he felt completely relieved.

The point is, how much better you feel, is not a linear function of how much better you are.
It’s concave upward; the more improvement you’ve made, the faster you’ll feel you’re improving.
Or at least if your experience is like my co-patients was.

Join a patient-led self-help group such as Recovery Inc to help you get the most benefit out of your pro.
I don’t know how they’re functioning in the age of ZOOM, but I’m sure they are.


Good health and good luck!

Posted September 15th by chiarizio
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