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March 17 or a year since susurrous died (bad emo rant)
Posted: Posted March 15th by Cetasaurus
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I panic when I see it coming, and I guess the weekend’s hitting hard. I want nothing more than to talk about it, but I’m also feeling either too sad or too stupid to come up with anything to say (at least, anything decent).

The last year has changed me for the worse. My view of myself and the world is shit. Everything is terrible. I’m useless. My best intentions (when I find the energy to have them) are dumb/work out poorly. Benefit no one. More likely to cause burden.

I miss his temperance. He was a healer. He could nurture the best in a person. I could just walk into the room he was in and feel more patient, more generous, more willing to look for the beauty in things, more motivated to work on myself. I vowed to keep that alive and I’ve failed.

I’ve exhausted all my resources; no one wants to hear me talk about him anymore. That’s fair!

I don’t know what the future holds. Probably a lot of suffering for only the best people. I’m finding it hard to stay invested whatsoever. Petty response, sure. I never thought I’d become a dickass nihilist, lmao, but here I am. I keep a mask over it in public and continue “to try” to fight the fight. (I’m going through the motions. Fake it ‘til you make it!)

RIP Jason. I’m half a shitty person.

There are 6 Replies

I'm not tired of you talking about him. Please keep doing so, if it helps.

You can always message me on discord. I have it on my phone so I'm more likely to see it.

I think you're a great person, of the little I know about you. You seem very intelligent and insightful. A good soul. fyi

Posted March 15th by Vandy
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^ This

Posted March 15th by Dark Knowings
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Following up to see how you are doing Ceta. Let us know please!

Posted March 19th by Vandy
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Hey Ceta, I’ve been trying to get in touch with you but all my texts bounce back. Are you ok?

Posted March 24th by Weird Occurance
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Hello, sorry, didn't have my phone on me!

Thanks for your kind words Vandy and everyone
I just want to say you're a blessing to this site.

Posted March 26th by Cetasaurus
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Is it just me or has an alarming amount of GT alum died in the past few years...

Posted Friday by MarvaIo
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