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How is everyone doing? Are you all OK?
Posted: Posted July 1st by chiarizio
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Is everyone in good health?

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I've got till the end of the month to either find a way out of China and ideally back to America, because my visa is about up.

Or, I need to extend my visa by about a month (should be doable) and figure out a place to stay for that time, because my school will in all likelihood kick me out of the apartment I'm staying at.

I've got grad school beginning at the last week of August, but at the same time, I'm not feeling too good about going back to America at all and risking my health. So may just take my fellowship money, take a plane to Thailand (or some other country) and kick it at an AirBnB and hope this all blows over.

Posted July 1st by Agis
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Physically Im okay. Mentally....my anxiety drives me up the wall most days and I sleep very little a night because of it.

Posted July 1st by S.O.H.
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I can relate to that. Insomnia every night. And when I do finally pass out (because my body physically can't stay awake anymore) it's already day light and noisy out. Anxiety and Depression. Those are more important problems for me to overcome than injustice in another country.

Posted July 1st by I killed Mufasa
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Doing okay. Saving a lot of money, I'm so surprised how much we are saving now. It's not like I spent money willy nilly but practically the only thing money goes towards besides rent, insurance, etc. is groceries and even that is really low.

One thing I do find weird is that my drive is kinda low for stuff now. Since we practically have to stay inside, my wife and I are pretty tired of our few together choices being either video games or watching a movie/tv. It's kind of depressing at this point almost 4 months along. Not even chores need doing since I do them a lot of the time lately.

Posted July 1st by Fox Forever
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I sympathize or empathize or compash with all of you!

There should be a temporary let-up of the COVID storm sometime this summer, before the autumn/fall.
That might make it possible to travel from China to the US.
I don’t think any other country should reasonably allow anyone from the US in for a while, though.

My sleep schedule has become utterly cathemeral.

I get depressed sometimes; I’ve been worse, and for longer, and more often.
But mostly it’s just a lack of energy and a feeling I have some obligation I’ve neglected or forgotten.

My daughter and I plan a barbecue on the 4th of July.
I was looking forward to it!
Then I saw on TV about another diabetic, younger than me, healthier than me,
and more conscientious about COVID precautions than me, who went to a barbecue and caught the virus and died.
Among his last words were “I exposed my family to this thing because I went to a barbecue”.
So I started feeling pretty anxious.
At the moment, though, I have come back around to thinking I should keep my appointment with my daughter anyway;
there’ll only be four of us there, including her and me.

Mostly I’m probably less anxious than I would be justified in being,
if I weren’t applying the principle of “if you can’t do anything else about it, then quit worrying about it”.
Admitting helplessness is therapeutic. Once you’ve actually done all you can, that is.


Sorry for my lack of eloquence!

Edited July 2nd by chiarizio
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I wouldn't necessarily say yes to any of those things but hey I could be worse I guess. I'm not alone and my gf makes me feel better so in the sense of "I'm only okay because of her" that has been a reoccurring theme for a while now, I'm okay. Horrible sleeping habits, incapable of staying asleep a decent amount of time no matter how tired, terrible anxiety about all kinds of things, existential dread to fear/worry about the unknown such as what happens after death or many other things I can't explain about my experiences and what it may or may not mean not only for me but for everyone potentially, bursts of discontentment with my life and myself in many regards and worry about how much worse it could get if my luck runs out and my perceived powerlessness in it, frustration at a lot of things, feeling bad for people in really bad spots right now I know but have no one to pull them out of it and I can only do so much, worrying about what may be making me like this, general concern about everything happening in the world lately, worrying about what I'm gonna do if certain people in my life die and if I'll go insane or worse without even if I somewhat get my shit together. ect. Honestly if I sat here trying to think about all of the thoughts and feelings buzzing in me coming and going and I were much less vague this would probably just go on and on and on.

And I wouldn't say I'm in "good health" either but eh.

A plus is that it's very hard for me to even feel suicidal because my fear of the afterlife and from that remembering that death is even more pointless than any supposed negative reasons or pointless lack of reasons to life and aside from grander contemplations probably influenced by my feelings in the first place, my inability to often not feel I have a sufficient personal structure and worth in it and also more pointless than feeling like my life is ultimately waste or worse. At least I'm here doing something and meaning something to someone.

I expect nothing from saying this though, and I will continue on as I am with the caveat of trying to once again figure my shit out and see some professionals.

Edited July 2nd by Grey Echelon
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Hanging in there. Just wish Ruby teh Lizard would come back on here.

Posted July 2nd by Emerald the Lizard
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I'm ok, I've been hanging out with a girl lately. It's been a nice distraction, but I suspect she will leave me as soon as she finds a guy she likes more, so eh.

Posted July 2nd by Post-Wall Olga
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Jesus, there's a lot of mental anguish going on here.

Seems like COVID-19 is imposing some pretty bad mental strain on all of us. I suppose we could all use some productive outlets, even if its just branching out socially.

Posted July 2nd by Agis
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Lol Covid didn't make me unhappy at all. I've been dealing with depression for over a year, long before this virus appeared. I've been feeling better amid quarantine; if anything I'm sad it's ending.

Posted July 2nd by Post-Wall Olga
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