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Enforcing a rule on myself in order to spend less of my free time playing games (life rant)
Posted: Posted July 27th by Vandy
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The rule is that once I play a video game, I have to wait two days before I can play again. I've been trying this out for a few weeks.

So recently I have come to the realization that I don't have a lot of interests outside of playing video games and watching MMA. Whenever I have some free time on a Friday or Saturday night, my default thought is to sit and play video games for a few hours. MMA is not as much of a problem because it is on for a few hours per week at most. I honestly cannot think of much else that I enjoy doing and it's kind of alarming. I mean, I like eating and watching movies/TV but that's kind of the same "default" thing that you kind of fall into when there is nothing else to do.

I generally don't like being in crowded spaces. Traveling is okay, but I usually am ready to get back to home after a day or two. Most places that I go to seem like a lot of the same. If I'm on vacation I like time to relax, and traveling is often not very relaxing, you know? There is so much time spent actually driving/flying there and going to and from activities.

I think it might be the source of the cycle of conflict that my wife and I go through every few months. She often feels that she is lower on my list of priorities. I don't plan many activities to do with her because, again, my default thought is to play video games when I have free time. So, we do things together but it is almost always something that she planned for us to do and she feels this burden over time. I feel bad, but it's just where my mind goes. I start looking forward to the weekend or a couple of free days and think about what I can play and who I should reach out to in order to play with. So my hope is that when I know that games are not an option, I will think of other things I/we can do for fun. I already reached out to some of our friends yesterday to gauge interest in visiting our alma mater in College Station for a football game weekend this fall, so that's progress I guess.

I don't think playing video games is a bad thing at all and I do not intend to stop playing games. I just want to impose this limitation on myself and see if it helps me expand my interests and help strengthen my relationships with friends and family.


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(sorry this rant got mixed up into the above but it kind of felt out of place and is a separate but very related issue)

I've always been more of a follower. I went to college by following my highschool girlfriend that way. I didn't know what I wanted to do and chose my major based on what my friend was doing. I did quite a bit in my college years but it was always planned by other people. I still didn't know what I wanted to do and followed my college girlfriend to DFW after college and started working here. I didn't like the job I had fallen into and was talked into nursing by family-in-laws. Ultimately I'm happy with where I am. I feel like all of these paths have led me to better places. But none of them were really my own choosing. I've just been wandering along my whole life and somehow ended up okay. I guess the best thing I have done for myself is to always surround myself with good people/influence. Is this bad? Do I need to change this way of living my life? This is the basis of my internal struggle over the past few weeks. I have never truly known what I want to do and always end up going along with what others want to do. But I've been generally happy with my life. Now the problem is that my wife doesn't want me to just follow her, and I totally understand that. But it's hard to change that part of me. Can I do that, even? I want to be able to make that change, but only for her. Otherwise I am not motivated.

There are 5 Replies

But I've been generally happy with my life.

this is all that matters.

Now the problem is that my wife doesn't want me to just follow her, and I totally understand that. But it's hard to change that part of me. Can I do that, even? I want to be able to make that change, but only for her. Otherwise I am not motivated.

On the oneside I think that you should keep doing what makes sense to you and makes you happy. On the other I strongly agree with the notion that couples should have their own separate interests and hobbies. May I suggest music festivals and brewfests with friends?


As far as video games I am started to have a love hate relationship with them. I enjoy putting in a couple of hours into them each week but I feel like I could be doing something much more productive instead. I have a number of games in my steam library that just feel like a chore to play.

To be fair this happens with other forms of media for me so its nothing new.

Posted July 28th by S.O.H.
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S.O.H.
 

My input is this; my husband and I are both gamers. We respect that we don't always like the same games, hence sometimes we do some gaming alone. But we do things together as well, gaming, Netflix, cooking, etc.

I think it's healthy to have a balance and not do everything together and have your own friends, hobbies, etc. But that's just my input.

I think what you're doing is okay.

Edited July 28th by Shelbai
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Shelbai
Shell + Buy

So my hope is that when I know that games are not an option


I get that. Probably the end goal should be that when you know games *are* an option, you vary it up, though. Finding a balance is tough for everyone. And not just regarding games. I don't necessarily have any suggestions about what to try and take an interest in. Breweries/exploring new bars/restaurants, go to the movies, concerts/shows, I dunno. Bowling? Also, you don't always have to *do* something, or at least not particularly exciting. Just having a plan on where to go for a drink so you two can hang out is something itself. Ya know?

And I mean, does anyone really *do* stuff? I know you say you don't much like crowded spaces, but if I'm not at home or work, I'm at a bar or restaurant. Those are my sort of go-to's. There any outdoor activities you enjoy?

I definitely understand the feeling, though. I haven't been able to play anywhere near as much as I would like to, and when I've been home, I haven't picked up a game. Which is sort of nice to know I don't have an addiction, but also, I do genuinely enjoy playing games. One thing that I've been trying to do is carve out a certain time period for playing games rather than number of days I play. Like, if I'm home between 10 and 11, I'll play something for an hour and then stop. Just before bed, basically. Would maybe creating more structure like that be helpful?

Posted July 28th by Jet Presto
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You only have so much time to live, so you might as well enjoy yourself during it. If you like playing video games and watching MMA, then keep playing video games and watching MMA.

On the other hand, if you want to make your wife happy, plan out a day or two ahead of time to spend with her.

Posted July 30th by Axem Great Water
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I think it might be the source of the cycle of conflict that my wife and I go through every few months.

I've gone through the same things. My wife grew up in a family of 6 with only 2 bedrooms. She has been around people her whole life. Meanwhile I had a room all to myself and plenty of free time and space to do anything I wanted. It was a point of contention for us about our free time playing games. She would not like the fact that I was okay playing games for an entire weekend and she got annoyed at any lack of planning on my part. I'm a complete homebody and I really dislike going out because unless you're going outside for exercise, practically everything costs money.

Occasionally she really dislikes how much I like and want to play games. I felt like she has no real personal hobby to herself due to years of having to share the same space (and items) with her siblings. She really likes to do art projects so I encouraged her to explore her painting abilities and have a hobby of her own. Now, we sometimes have time apart where we can both do our own thing. It takes a little bit of time to fall out of your default mode when you've done it for so long.

Posted July 30th by Fox Forever
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