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Airing something out (TW?)
Posted: Posted August 13th by Cetasaurus
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Here’s the story. You know how I’ve been like, “Boohoo, my D&D group never invites me to things”? One of the members, W, is friends with this super cool couple, and I met them through W. The couple invited me out to drinks with them and W, and then the rest of the D&D group was also there. This was Saturday night.

Everyone seemed happy to see me! I think they were happy I was there! I don’t know, really. I don’t know if I was just an imposition.

Anyway, when I got called up and invited, they told me they were in the basement of a particular bar. This bar’s basement is known for its dance floor full of flashing lights, crazy people, and loud music. A voice in my head told me, “Don’t go there. You will experience sensory overload and drink too much to try to cope.”

But I never listen to that voice. I basically have no self-discipline of any kind. Every morning I wake up and look at myself and think, "What is this strange little creature going to do next?" So I went there and was very uncomfortable and drank a shit-ton. And I’m not super clear on the details after that.

But I came-to in a stairwell, who knows where, with two strangers (don’t remember anything about them; not their faces, ages, genders—anything) sitting super close to me, one of them groping/undressing me. Nothing really happened. I don’t remember being particularly alarmed, even. I pushed them off, said, "I’m going to find my friends," and marched out of there as if I knew where I was going.

They didn’t follow me. But I was kinda anxious after that. I found a dark quiet nook somewhere and called up the couple that invited me out in order to find out where everyone was. They said that they thought I had left with R, and that they would come back for me.

I just hunkered down in my nook for a while. Not sure how long. Eventually, after all the bars had closed, I got a text from them that said they weren’t able to come back for me and that they had taken a cab home.

That point was when I sorta started to unravel, and I almost called up a friend to come help me. This is the friend that wants to be more than friends. I knew she would have come, and I couldn’t think of anyone else. I actually did call her, then hung up after the first ring. She texted me right after and said, "Just a butt dial?" and I said, "Yeah, sorry."

Then I walked as far away from the Saturday-night downtown bustle as I could and called up a cab. The driver had the chillest, most calming presence. I got home fine.

Since then I’ve had a couple opportunities, I guess you’d say, where I felt like I maybe wanted to share this with someone. But it’s been weird trying to imagine how that would go. Saying something along the lines of, "I think I almost got molested while I was blacked out in a stairwell," sounds more alarming than I really want it to.

I feel mostly unscathed. I’m good at screening myself. The thing I’m actually the most upset about is that, well, a while ago I came across a little ghost pin and gave it to susurrous. And I had it on me that night, and now it’s lost. I’m not even sure where I was that night, so I wouldn’t know where to look for it. Careless.

But there are two other things troubling me, too. The first is that there’s kind of this lingering feeling left over from when I got the message that no one was coming for me, and I didn’t have anyone to call. It isn’t a feeling of loneliness so much as a feeling of worthlessness, I guess. I’m kinda sad that I don’t know whom to confide in.

The second thing is that I still have little to no interest in sobering up. My fear is still one step removed: I’m scared that I’m not more scared yet. I don’t know what’s coming next, and try as I might, can’t find it in me to care. It’s like I would be less scared if I were actually freaking out, if that makes any sense.

Anyway guys, thanks. It's a relief to have you. Sorry I've been kind of a bummer lately.

There are 6 Replies

Informing us of what's going on with you is not an imposition of any kind.

Anyway, I just wish we lived closer together. I've become somewhat of an expert at managing blitzed friends over the years.

Posted August 13th by Cruinn-Annuin
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That is terrible and I'm sad that happened to you. But I am glad you came to, before too much else progressed. In the future you definitely should have someone you trust with you when you drink, incase you do black out. I had a blackout a year ago now, and I was so alarmed when I came to and couldn't remember anything. Much less what my new friends were telling me at the time. Just be safe.

Posted August 14th by Shelbai
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Shelbai
Shell + Buy

My biggest concern is that some people with undressing you and feeling you up without consent. I don't care what sexual orientation you are or what is in your pants. What you experienced was sexual assault, and you should have gone to the police.

Posted August 14th by Aurelian
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Aurelian
Fire Lion
Thunder Lion

Thanks everyone. I feel better after reading your comments.

Anyway, I just wish we lived closer together. I've become somewhat of an expert at managing blitzed friends over the years.

That's gotta be pretty fun for you... Would be cool to hang out with you though.

I had a blackout a year ago now, and I was so alarmed when I came to and couldn't remember anything. Much less what my new friends were telling me at the time. Just be safe.

Yeah it can be scary. Sorry you went through that. Thanks for the advice.

you should have gone to the police.

I wouldn't have been much help to them, since I didn't know any details about where I was or who the creeps were. I might have gotten a free ride home in a cop car though haha. But I wasn't thinking straight.

Posted August 14th by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8

GUESS WHAT I FOUND ON THE STREET TODAY



God loves me.

Thinking of susurrous

Edited Thursday by Cetasaurus
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Cetasaurus
Formerly KM8

They said that they thought I had left with R, and that they would come back for me.

I just hunkered down in my nook for a while. Not sure how long. Eventually, after all the bars had closed, I got a text from them that said they weren’t able to come back for me and that they had taken a cab home

you got some fucked up friends. Glad you are safe.

Posted Thursday by S.o.h
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S.o.h
 
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